AUDIO: DOLLY PARTON: STILL ALIVE AND KICKIN’

Because if they were 90 degrees, the ice would melt.

As they’re rolling him down the hallway, the patient says, “What’s in the east wing?” Doctor says, “The morgue.” Patient says, “But I’m not dead yet!” Doctor says, “It’s a long hallway.”

From the English channel.

It’s her 100th birthday so all her family are visiting. Suddenly, she begins leaning to the left in her chair, so the nurse runs over and props her up with a pillow. Then she begins leaning right and again the nurse props her back up with a pillow. Then she begins leaning forward and the nurse props her back upright. Then, her grandson finally shows up and says, “How are they treating you, grandma?” She says, “Fine, except they won’t let me fart.”

He meets a woman in the hotel bar. He says, “Where’d y’all go to college?” The woman says, “Yale” The Texan cups his hands around his mouth, shouts, “I SAID, WHERE’D Y’ALL GO TO COLLEGE?”