AUDIO: COP GIVES A GREAT "CRIME STOPPERS" REPORT
In Louisiana, St. Landry Parish Crime Stoppers is asking for help identifying the burglar who broke into Stelly Supermarket on July 8 and stole hundreds of dollars in cash. In the Crime Stoppers video, Officer Higgins is confident they are going to arrest the perpetrator. In a no-nonsense tone, he says, “If you’re the man who committed this felony, look at me, son, I’m talking to you.” Higgins says after they catch the burglar, he’s going to have a cheeseburger at Stelly’s, while the burglar’s meal will be “served through a small hole in the cell door.” And then, “Congratulations, son, I’m about to make you famous. You will be recognized, and the people who know you don’t really like you anyway, so when it comes to a choice between you and a thousand dollars, they’ll take the cash.”
(video at: https://www.youtube.com/watch?t=117&v=tz95O1OQCH0)
* I’m ready to give myself up for stealing candy out of my grandmother’s dresser drawer when I was 8.
* This cop takes his cheeseburger supply very seriously.
* The reward is more than the guy stole? That restaurant needs a better accountant.
* “So what is it, punk? Are you feeling lucky?”
* Anyone else hearing this in Clint Eastwood’s voice?
* Or maybe the drill sergeant from “Full Metal Jacket.”
* “Then I’m going to bake you a cake so you can have a slice when you become a prison bride.”
* He should pace himself a little. These burglaries happen every day.
* “First I’m going to arrest you, and then I’m going to arrest your shadow. And then I’m going to give you a prison haircut and arrest the clippings.”
CLIP: An edited version of the Crime Stoppers video.
