AMERICAN SOLDIER TO RECEIVE FIRST U.S. PENIS TRANSPLANT

A U.S. soldier wounded in an explosion will be the first person in the United States to receive a penis transplant. Doctors at Johns Hopkins Hospital say the donated organ from a recently deceased man should provide full function including urination, sensation and sex. The recipient, who was not identified, lost most of his penis in a bomb explosion while deployed overseas. Media reports have said he was wounded right in the ol’ Afghanistan. The surgery could occur in the coming weeks. Doctors are looking for a donor who is a good match in terms of age and skin color. The donor’s family will need to give permission for the penis to be removed. If the operation is successful, it could open the way for about 60 other servicemen with genital injuries to have this surgery. There have been two penis transplants in the world. The first in China in 2006 was unsuccessful. The second in South Africa in 2014 was a success.
* Gee, if only Bruce Jenner had waited just a little longer …
* Talk about the Ultimate Sacrifice.
* There isn’t an Army medal high enough for this kind of injury.
* Are you allowed to just donate some? Because I’ve got plenty.
* Johns Hopkins is looking for a John Thomas.
* If the surgery is happening in the coming weeks, maybe we can look for success in the coming months.
* We could try not having so many wars…
* Wait, I just blurted that out. What was I thinking?
* Maybe that’s it: If a political leader gets us in an unnecessary war, they have to serve as a penis donor later.
* You have to admit: That would have made Dick Cheney think it over a little more.