Today Is…
Anything special being celebrated or commemorated today? Find out here!
TODAY’S ALMANAC
Birthdays, Upcoming Holidays, This Day in History and Music
TODAY’S TRIVIA
Every installment of X-Treme Trivia Challenge includes three obscure facts.
ENTERTAINMENT & CELEBRITIES
WHAT TO WATCH – New and Returning Shows and Movies
Premiering Thursday through Sunday
DOLLY: THE HURRICANE
Too (mon)soon?
WHAT ABOUT DOLLYWOOD?
What about it?
WHAT TO WATCH – New and Returning Shows and Movies
Premiering Monday through Wednesday
KACEY MUSGRAVES TOUR UNVEILS “DISCO BALLS”
That’s bollocks.
AUDIO: HARRISON FORD & COOKIE MONSTER NOM-NOM THE INDIANA JONES THEME
Cookie? (determinedly) What cookie?
STAR TREK: THE PUPPET EPISODE
Puppetry – the final frontier.
WHAT TO WATCH – New and Returning Shows and Movies
Premiering Thursday through Sunday
JOKE OF THE DAY
Suggestion: Post the joke on your website. Boost clicks by having listeners call in and tell the Joke of the Day to win a prize.
What is the Cookie Monster’s favorite rock band?
Oreo Speedwagon.
A couple gets married.
The husband says, “Let’s put a dollar in this jar every time we make love. Then we’ll count it on our first anniversary.” A year later, they empty the jar and there’s a lot of money. A bunch of singles, and quite a few 10’s and 20’s. Husband says, “Where did the 10’s and 20’s come from?” Wife says, “Not everybody’s as cheap as you.”
A man in a wheelchair goes to the grotto of Lourdes, France, where the Virgin Mary appeared.
There is a pool of holy water. The man rolls up to the pool, praying “Hail Mary, please perform a miracle for me,” rolls into the pool and out the other side. Then he tries to stand up but can’t. He asks the priest “Father, why Mary didn’t answered my prayer?” The priest says, “Oh, but a miracle has happened, look at your wheelchair. It has new wheels”
Did you hear about the man who died trying to climb Mt. Everest?
They just found Himalayan there.
What happens when a frog runs out of gas?
It has to be toad.
U.S. NEWS
WOMAN WAKES UP WITH BAT IN HER MOUTH
“Did it.” – Ozzy Osbourne
VACATIONING FAMILY RETURNS FROM HIKE TO FIND HOTEL CLOSED
Tip your bellboy!
DONUT TRUCK BREAKS DOWN IN FRONT OF POLICE STATION
Policeman’s Dream.
MAN SLIPS ON RESTAURANT’S RICOTTA CHEESE
Boy oh Boyardee.
PIRATES NOW
Dead in the water.
TEACHER REVEALS “THE FART CORNER”
Can we do this on the bus?
CALIFORNIA SCHOOL BUS MAYHEM
Old school.
INTERNATIONAL NEWS
MASS GRAVE OF ROMAN SOLDIERS REVEALS 40% HAVE GROIN INJURIES
Right in the ol’ aqueduct.
MALAYSIAN PROFESSOR FIRED, CLAIMS THEIR ANCESTORS COULD FLY
The Aztecs invented the vacation.
SAUDIS BUILDING THEME PARK IN FRANCE
Dumbo the Flying Camel.
CHINESE INVENT ROBOT HORSE
Look what they trotted out now.
SCHOOL COOK SICKENS CHILDREN WITH DETERGENT INSTEAD OF SALT
It’s a new Dawn in Bihar, India.
FUNNY PICTURES
Right-click on images to
Copy or Save.
Ooo, Tough Lie, Frank
Friends
You’re Gonna Want To Keep An Eye On This Kid
Eggs, Uh, Find A Way
Defeat
Yeah, You Heard Me
THE BUZZ
UNIVERSALLY BELOVED CELEBRITIES
The list guaranteed to make you go “Awww…”
DUMB HEADLINES
Worst clickbait ever.
UNPOPULAR OPINIONS
You’re wrong.
BIG WORDS MAKE YOU SOUND SMART
And also astute.
AWFUL MIDLIFE CRISES
Go ahead and have one, but keep it to yourself, okay?
WHY DON’T WE EXERCISE MORE? THE TOP EXCUSES
1. Laziness 2. Laziness 3. Laziness 4…
LATE NIGHT SNACKS
Food gets better after midnight.
THE HAMBONE AWARD FOR THE MOST UNUSUAL PET INSURANCE CLAIM
Good boy, you idiot.
TRENDING
NEW MOVIES
Click on name for details and audio clips
COYOTE VS. ACME
Starts Friday, August 28 in theaters.
THE DOG STAR
Starts Friday, August 28 in theaters.
IDIOTS
Starts Friday, August 28 in theaters.
THE RIVALS OF AMZIAH KING
Starts Friday, August 21 in theaters.
Click on the title to go to an mp3 player. To download the mp3, right-click on the player and choose the “Save audio as” option.
THE FRIDAY CLUSTERFLICKS
For Friday, August 28.
BROUGHT TO YOU BY
Funny fake sponsorship announcements
A & M AUTOLAND – Scratch And Dent Sale
Now more damaged cars than ever!
GERONIMO NURSING HARNESS
For the active new mother.
THE FRIDAY CLUSTERFLICKS
For Friday, August 21.
PROMOS-TO-GO
Pre-produced ready-to-use show bumper donuts
A & M AUTOLAND – Echo
Big Al’s latest idea has Big Mike bouncing off the walls.
F&A PIZZA
You got that right, ya mook.
THE FRIDAY CLUSTERFLICKS
For Friday, August 14.
BROUGHT TO YOU BY
Funny fake sponsorship announcements
A & M AUTOLAND – Junkers
Junky cars … junky commercials!
WEED-B-SUFFER
Don’t just kill weeds – MAKE THEM PAY!
THE FRIDAY CLUSTERFLICKS
For Friday, August 7.
PROMOS-TO-GO
Pre-produced ready-to-use show bumper donuts
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