Today Is…
Anything special being celebrated or commemorated today? Find out here!
TODAY’S ALMANAC
Birthdays, Upcoming Holidays, This Day in History and Music
TODAY’S TRIVIA
Every installment of X-Treme Trivia Challenge includes three obscure facts.
ENTERTAINMENT & CELEBRITIES
WHAT TO WATCH – New and Returning Shows and Movies
Premiering Monday through Wednesday
NEW PROCESS WILL HELP YOU ACTUALLY SEE, HEAR TV MOVIES
Wow! What will they think of next?
THE MOVIES FOR GROWNUPS AWARDS
a.k.a. The No Sequel Awards.
PUPPY BOWL TO FEATURE OLD DOGS
No new tricks.
TV CREATES NEW TV AWARD FOR TV SHOWS
Coming soon to a TV near you.
WHAT TO WATCH – New and Returning Shows and Movies
Premiering Thursday through Sunday
MICKEY ROURKE: IT PAYS TO BE EVICTED
Four movie offers.
CRITICS CHOICE: “ONE BATTLE AFTER ANOTHER”
Enjoy it with one bottle after another.
WHAT TO WATCH – New and Returning Shows and Movies
Premiering Monday through Wednesday
JOKE OF THE DAY
Suggestion: Post the joke on your website. Boost clicks by having listeners call in and tell the Joke of the Day to win a prize.
A Jehovahs witness knocks on the door.
Old lady invites him in, makes him a cup of tea, and asks, “What did you want to talk about?
Kid says, “Hell if I know. I’ve never gotten this far before.“
At a lake with rental boats, the owner speaks over the loudspeaker:
“Boat number 99, please return to the dock. Your time is up!” A few minutes pass. No boat returns. The owner, louder this time: “Boat number 99, return immediately or you’ll be charged for overtime!” Still nothing. The assistant steps in and says: “Boss… we only have 75 boats. There is no number 99.” After a couple of seconds, the owner grabs the mic again and says: “Boat number 66… everything okay out there?”
What do mummies do on vacation?
They like to unwind.
Did you hear about the big sale at the Lego store?
People are lined up for blocks.
A happy dog and a sad dog had a competition to see who could carry the most weight. Which dog won?
The happy dog, ‘cause his tail was a’wagon.
U.S. NEWS
8-YEAR-OLDS STAGE HOCKEY FIGHT DURING PERIOD BREAK
Everyone into the penalty box!
GASOLINE MIXUP IN COLORADO
Many drivers are not filling well today.
CHOPPELGANGERS
“Someone who looks like you but slightly worse.”
REC CENTER EMPLOYEE STEALS $60 INSULATED CUP
Actual quote: “This cup would be great to hold my breast milk.”
WOMEN PASS COUNTERFEIT MONEY TO BURGER JOINTS
Robble robble robble robble…
BEAR BREAKS INTO CANDY STORE FOUR TIMES
I sense a pattern.
“JESSICA” IS THE NEW “KAREN”
Let me speak to Karen’s manager.
INTERNATIONAL NEWS
TOURISTS FOLLOW GPS, END UP ON SKI SLOPE
And boy were they piste.
MAN ATTEMPTS TO BRING DEAD WIFE ONTO PLANE
What, again?
PANDAS NO LONGER ON THE ENDANGERED LIST
Pandamonium.
CHINESE PHONE APP: ARE YOU DEAD?
Press once for No, twice for Yes.
CLIP: OLYMPIC SKI JUMPERS HAVE THEIR OWN SCANDAL
Living in a material world.
MOUNT ETNA GUIDES PROTEST NEW VOLCANO SAFETY RULES
Stupid safety!
FORTUNE TELLER MAKES PREDICTION COME TRUE
It has been foretold.
FUNNY PICTURES
Right-click on images to
Copy or Save.
The Pep Boys
Yogi Waits For Pic-a-nic Basket
Pull
But, Can Your Really?
Walt, There’s Something Tapping At The Window
Very Funny
THE BUZZ
I THOUGHT EVERYBODY DID IT
No, just you, ya weirdo.
RANKING POP TARTS
#1: Nailed it.
THE LONG-LIVED LIE
The danger of always trying to please your kids.
BEST QUALITY IN A PARTNER: ABILITY TO COOK
Step it up, men.
FUNNY PET NAMES
Woofi Goldberg.
AMERICAN SOCCER NOW MORE POPULAR THAN—- JESUS—- BASEBALL????
I blame the Colorado Rockies.
NEW GADGETS AT THE CONSUMER ELECTRONICS SHOW, PART 4
Science marches on.
TRENDING
NEW MOVIES
Click on name for details and audio clips
28 YEARS LATER – THE BONE TEMPLE
Starts Friday, January 16 in theaters.
DEAD MAN’S WIRE
Starts Friday, January 16 in theaters.
GREENLAND 2: MIGRATION
Starts Friday, January 9 in theaters.
PRIMATE
Starts Friday, January 9 in theaters.
Click on the title to go to an mp3 player. To download the mp3, right-click on the player and choose the “Save audio as” option.
A & M AUTOLAND – Espresso Bar
Usually, Big Al isn’t very swift.
SNOW DAY CHIP IMPLANT
A snow day? In your dreams!
THE FRIDAY CLUSTERFLICKS
For Friday, January 9.
PROMOS-TO-GO
Pre-produced ready-to-use show bumper donuts
A & M AUTOLAND – Some Assembly Required
Sometimes, it’s a wonder Big Mike doesn’t go to pieces.
THE DITCH
The modern way to stay fit!
THE FRIDAY CLUSTERFLICKS
For Wednesday, December 24.
HEAVER’S WHISKEY
The drink drank by drunken drinkers.
CRECHE CLEAN
Turn your manger from mangy to magnificent.
THE FRIDAY CLUSTERFLICKS
For Friday, December 19.
BROUGHT TO YOU BY
Funny fake sponsorship announcements
A & M AUTOLAND – Holiday Spackle
Mike’s handwriting isn’t the only thing jerky at A & M.
RUDOLF THE RED BULL REINDEER
A heart-worming classic.
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