A & M AUTOLAND – Blowout Prices
1:06
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TODAY’S ALMANAC
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ENTERTAINMENT & CELEBRITIES
SUPER BOWL ADS
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MAN HAS BEEN TO EVERY SUPER BOWL FOR 60 YEARS
“I remember seeing Janet Jackson’s booby.” – (not a real quote.)
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Many happy returns.
SPECIAL NOTE: THE WINTER OLYMPICS
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WHAT TO WATCH – New and Returning Shows and Movies
Premiering Thursday through Sunday
OLYMPICS BEGIN WITH A POWER OUTAGE
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TEXAS CHAIN SAW MASSACRE, THE TV SERIES
LeatherFace the Nation.
GRAMMY AWARD WINNERS
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JOKE OF THE DAY
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What does an escalator say when it stops working?
Nothing. It just stairs.
What has four legs and a hand?
A happy pit bull.
Why did the fat man go to the paint store?
To get thinner.
What instrument does an owl play?
The flhoot.
What lunchmeat is mostly pork ankles?
Below-knee.
U.S. NEWS
PHILADELPHIA ART MUSEUM IS NOW PHILADELPHIA MUSEUM OF ART AGAIN
They’re the same picture.
EX-EMPLOYEE BREAKS INTO LITTLE CAESAR’S, SELLS PIZZAS, POCKETS CASH
Clever plan, too much work.
RENT-A-HUMAN: AI NEEDS YOUR BODY
Legal in Nevada.
HIGH SCHOOL REFEREE CLEARS OUT ENTIRE BLEACHER SECTION
Yer outta here!
WOMAN TRAPPED IN CAR WASH FOR AN HOUR
Foamer? I hardly knew her.
150-YEAR-OLD BOTTLE OF OLD WEST BOOZE FOUND, TASTED
See what the boys in the back room will have.
INTERNATIONAL NEWS
DUTCH QUEEN JOINS THE ARMY RESERVE
Battle royal.
WOMAN ADJUSTS TRAFFIC MIRROR FOR FENG-SHUI, CAUSES TRAFFIC ACCIDENTS
On reflection, a bad idea.
MAN HAD WORLD WAR I ARTILLERY SHELL IN RECTUM
One in a million shot, doc.
13-YEAR OLD SWIMS OVER 2 MILES TO SAVE FAMILY
Says, “Arms very tired.”
WORLD POPULATION COUNT MAY BE OFF BY A LOT
I blame that new math they teach in elementary school.
HOUSECLEANER QUITS JOB AFTER DUCK-FINDING REQUEST
A fowl prank.
TALK TO A HORSE
Of course, of course.
RUSSIAN DISNEYLAND
Самое серое место на Земле!
FUNNY PICTURES
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Dressed To The 9’s
Ready For The Super Bowl
Walkies
Caution Wet Floor
Always Read The Instructions First
Join The Club
THE BUZZ
OLYMPIC NEWS: NEW SPORTS AT THE WINTER OLYMPICS
One is called ‘Pass the UTI”.
DUMB THINGS YOU THOUGHT AS A KID
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What a bunch of maroons.
HUMANS LOVE DOGS MORE THAN OTHER HUMANS
According to a study from Who’s a Good Boy University.
LUXURY YOU CAN AFFORD
Splurge.
TRENDING
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OLYMPIC UPDATE #2 – SKI JUMP (for 2/9)
For Monday, February 9.
SONG: OLYMPIC FANFARE
Did you know the Olympic song had words?
SONG: SUPER BOWL FIGARO
What’s opera, doc?
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PROMOS-TO-GO
Pre-produced ready-to-use show bumper donuts
OLYMPIC UPDATE #1 – OPENING CEREMONY (FOR 2/6)
For Friday, February 6.
A & M AUTOLAND – SCAM
Super Clearance Automotive Markdown!
CONSENSUAL VALENTINE CARDS
Darling, be mine, with permission.
THE FRIDAY CLUSTERFLICKS
For Friday, January 30.
BROUGHT TO YOU BY
Funny fake sponsorship announcements
A & M AUTOLAND – Slide Into Savings
Letting Al and Mike come up with their own promotions is a slippery slope.
THE SLEEP ALGORITHM STORE
Sleep numbers are so last year.
THE FRIDAY CLUSTERFLICKS
For Friday, January 23.
PROMOS-TO-GO
Pre-produced ready-to-use show bumper donuts
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