DELTA WILL PAY UP TO $10,000 TO BUMP YOU

Delta Airlines will pay passengers on overbooked flights nearly $10,000 to give up their seats, according to a report Friday. After United’s public relations nightmare, Delta honchos sent an internal memo authorizing company supervisors to fork over $9,950, up from a maximum of $1,350, to passengers on overbooked flights, according to internal emails obtained by the Associated Press. The firm’s gate agents are also now allowed to offer fliers up to $2,000, up from a previous high of $800.
* Oops! Now everybody knows they can hold out for the maximum $9,950.
* It’s like reverse eBay. You let the bids go higher and higher and see how close you can come to $9,950 before someone else says yes.
* But they don’t tell you there’s a $9,000 baggage retrieval fee to get your stuff.
* Hmmm … you could get eight friends, all of you book seats on the same popular flight, and split the winnings.
* Wait – What do you want to bet the 10 grand is only for First Class customers?
* I’m no airline expert, but it’s starting to look like it would cost them less to just stop overbooking.
* Oh BUMP you. I thought they said $10,000 to HUMP you.
* Would they allow the passengers take up a collection to kick someone off that plane? Specifically, crying babies, anyone with the sniffles or people who bring smelly food.
* You know it’s scary when Delta comes up with a better idea.
* I mean Delta has more problems than the Trump administration right now.
* One of them being that their internal memos get leaked almost immediately.
* This has all been very good for companies like Greyhound.