PAPA JOHN'S BEGINS FAST PASS PIZZA

Papa John’s is testing out a program that lets people bump their pizza orders to the front of the line, so that it’s made faster. The cost? An additional “Papa Priority” fee $2.99. The option is limited to five orders each night per location. While customers whose pizzas get bumped back might object, Papa John’s says the option has gotten “great customer reception.”
* Well, from five customers, anyway.
* New slogan: “Jump the line for 2.99”
* What’s the thinking here? We’re not getting fat quick enough?
* Quite the scam. It takes, what, 30 seconds for these guys to make a pizza? It still has to cook for 10 minutes.
* For ten bucks, they ought to allow you to steal someone else’s pizza that’s already in the oven.
* It won’t be official ’til that Papa John dude makes a creepy commercial about it.
* I’m sorry, but remember those commercials where Peyton Manning calls the Papa John’s guy “Papa”? That was really weird.
* Plus, he’s just such a kinky little bastard anyway.
* Wait, I just realized they could be one of our sponsors so may I throw my full support behind what sounds like an innovative and exciting new idea in the pizza landscape.
* And I’m sure bumping your average pizza customer to the back of the line won’t degenerate into any fist fights at all.