AUDIO: MAN WITH SWORDS OUTSIDE A FLORIDA WALMART
Brooksville, Florida, police arrested a man who was swinging swords at customers in Walmart. Responding officers found Shannon Schenck carrying two swords and appearing to be under the influence of drugs or alcohol. Several witnesses told officers Schenck had “assumed a fighting stance and unsheathed the swords in a threatening manner while approaching customers exiting their vehicles.”
* There can be only one … greeter.
* Whose side is he on? The Starks, the Lannisters, or the Targaryans?
* Look, if you’re dumb enough to exit your vehicle while a guy is swinging two swords, you deserve what happens.
* This is why I always wear armor when I shop at Walmart.
* Maybe Walmart should install moats and drawbridges.
* Two swords, huh? That’s taking the psycho motif to a whole new level.
* I think the wacky news algorithm counts two swords as basically one spear.
* Or going the other way with it, 4 machetes.
* Either way, this guy is really doubling down on the crazy, isn’t he?
* They always say “under the influence of drugs or alcohol.” But don’t forget – it could very easily be both.
CLIP: Our classic “Malmart Gleeters” parody spot.
