HEAD OF THE SECRET SERVICE RETIRING

Secret Service Director Joseph Clancy is going back into retirement. The longtime agency official, who came out of retirement in 2014 to take over amid a series of embarrassing scandals, plans to step down effective March 4. The departure means that President Trump will now be able to pick the person he wants to lead the agency tasked with protecting him and his family.
* No, President Trump, Jack Bauer is not an option.
* Trump gets to pick a new Secret Service code name. Leading choices: Midas, Creampuff, and Agent Orange.
* Director Clancy said he’s retiring now to spend more time with his sanity– er… family.
* You have to admit, Clancy is a great name to be in the intelligence business.
* I just wonder if Tom Clancy was his brother.
* Tom wrote “The Hunt for Red October” but that’s not important now.
* Now it’s the hunt for a new Secret Service Director.
* One thing that you can pretty much guarantee the new hire: The Secret Service job these next few years will be very interesting.

Today Is…

THURSDAY – Mar 5

WEDNESDAY – Mar 4

TUESDAY – Mar 3

Anything special being celebrated or commemorated today? Find out here!

TODAY’S ALMANAC

THURSDAY ALMANAC – Mar 5

WEDNESDAY ALMANAC – Mar 4

TUESDAY ALMANAC – Mar 3

Birthdays, Upcoming Holidays, This Day in History and Music

TODAY’S TRIVIA

THURSDAY TRIVIA – Mar 5

WEDNESDAY TRIVIA – Mar 4

TUESDAY TRIVIA – Mar 3

Every installment of X-Treme Trivia Challenge includes three obscure facts.

ENTERTAINMENT & CELEBRITIES

WHAT TO WATCH – New and Returning Shows and Movies

Premiering Thursday through Sunday

PINOCCHIO: THE HORROR MOVIE

No lie.

JOHN TRAVOLTA GETS ANOTHER PILOT’S LICENSE

With Travolta on the stick, you’re stayin’ alive, stayin’ alive.

ACTOR AWARD WINNERS

Some you know, some you don’t.

WHAT TO WATCH – New and Returning Shows and Movies

Premiering Monday through Wednesday

TIMES SQUARE NAKED COWBOY, COWGIRL GETTING DIVORCED

Give me some space, cowboy.

WHAT TO WATCH – New and Returning Shows and Movies

Premiering Thursday through Sunday

BROADWAY CANCELED SECOND NIGHT OF PERFORMANCES DUE TO BLIZZARD

“How do I get to Broadway?” “Practice, and a dogsled.”

TOM HANKS FINALLY OLD ENOUGH TO PLAY ABE LINCOLN

Coming to a theater near you in four score months.

JOKE OF THE DAY

Suggestion: Post the joke on your website. Boost clicks by having listeners call in and tell the Joke of the Day to win a prize.

A woman was 3 months pregnant when she fell into a deep coma and woke up after 6 months…

posted March 4

The woman asked the doctor about her baby. Doctor says, “You had twins, a boy and a girl. And your brother named them for you.” Woman says, “No, not my idiot brother! What did he name the girl?” Doctor says, “Denise.” Woman says, “Well, that’s a nice name. What did he name the boy?” Doctor says, “Denephew.”

What’s grey?

posted March 3

A melted penguin.

A cabbie picks up a nun.

posted March 2

After a few minutes, the cabbie says, “Sister, I have a question, but I don´t want to offend you.” The nun says, “I´ve heard just about everything. I promise you, nothing you say will offend me.” Cabbie says, “Alright… I´ve always had a fantasy to be kissed by a nun.” She says “Well… are you single?” He says, “Yes.” She says, “Are you Catholic?” He says, “Absolutely!” Nun says, “Pull into that alley.” He does, and she give him a kiss so passionate it could melt stained glass. As they drive away, the cabbie starts crying. The nun says, “My dear child, why are you crying?” He says “Forgive me, Sister… I´ve sinned. I lied. I´m married … and I´m Jewish.” The nun says “That´s okay. My name´s Dave and I´m on my way to a Halloween party.”