MASSIVE SKITTLE SPILL

Authorities in Dodge County, Wisconsin, said hundreds of thousands of red Skittles spilled onto a road. Deputies found the hundreds of thousands of red Skittles (* and they counted them, I bet) littering County Highway S at 8:51 p.m. Tuesday night. The sheriff’s office later learned the Skittles had been in a cardboard box on the back of a flatbed truck and that the box had softened and spilled its load when it became wet from the rain. The Skittles had been deemed unfit for packaging and were en route to be fed to cattle.
* They should not be calling today’s teens “cattle”.
* Maybe the Skittles were making a run for it.
* Was Skittles’ fan Marshawn Lynch in the area?
* Gee, I didn’t know cattle would only eat one color of Skittles.
* This explains why beef from Wisconsin has been tasting like hydrogenated palm kernel oil, tapioca dextrin, modified corn starch, and carnauba wax. (All ingredients in Skittles.)
* Dodge County, where the motorists were dodging Skittles.
* “The box had softened”? “Spilled its load”? You can always tell when a news reporter watches a lot of porno.
* You do not leave the cardboard box outside in the rain. Or something like this will happen.
* Let’s go over this again: First you fill the cardboard box, then you put it inside the truck’s trailer.
* Let’s look at it a different way. You know those big container ships? There’s a reason they don’t use big cardboard boxes instead.