AMERICAN v. RUSSIAN HOOKERS

On Tuesday, Russian President Shirtless Putin told reporters at the Kremlin that he doesn’t believe Donald Trump hired prostitutes when he visited Russia in 2013. But Putin did boast about the high quality of Russian sex workers. “I find it hard to believe that he rushed to some hotel to meet girls of loose morals,” Putin said. “Although ours are undoubtedly the best in the world.” (* “At least,” he said, “that’s what I’ve heard.”) That statement didn’t sit well with Dennis Huff, the owner of the the Moonlite BunnyRanch in Nevada. The boss of the famed brothel says that his employees are so convinced that they’re better than their Russian counterparts, they’re willing to prove it. “BunnyRanch girls are offering Putin a two-hour bondage cage session for some intense discipline,” Huff says. “They want to show him just how talented they are.”
* The opening act will be Pussy Riot.
* Still waiting for Trump to chime in with a tweet.
* Again: is there nothing America can’t turn into a competition?
* I’d put our prostitutes against Russia’s any time. And I’d pay double to watch that.
* Something tells me if Putin’s into discipline, it’s not on the receiving end.
* I suppose this week wouldn’t be complete without hearing from the BunnyRanch.
* Gee, you hate to see this thing getting crazy, right?
* I’d say we were in danger of losing our dignity but that happened back in the primaries.
* I know how to make it go full circle: When it comes time to make the movie of these times, have Meryl Streep play a Russian hooker.
* No, really. She’s great with accents, right?