BAD SANTA

The Jacksonville, Florida, Sheriff’s Office arrested a bad Santa for allegedly selling drugs. Police were called to a business parking lot Monday for complaints of drug activity. They arrived to find Isaac Geiger, 41, wearing a Santa suit – with the beard – standing at the driver’s door of a U-Haul rental truck. Once he saw police, Geiger ran, tripped over his Santa pants, and fell to the ground. There was a fair amount of resistance, but police were finally able to hold Geiger. Police found a plastic baggie in Geiger’s left shorts pocket, which he was wearing under the Santa suit, and cash in his right shorts pocket. In the U-Haul, police found marijuana, a scale with marijuana residue, and a black pouch containing MDMA on the front driver seat. Inside a five-gallon orange bucket was additional marijuana, a yellow substance known to contain THC, Molly, Ecstasy pills, money and a digital scale with residue and a box of plastic baggies.
* Yeah, YOU try getting reindeer to fly some other way.
* The inventory of drugs sounds like Charlie Sheen’s Christmas list.
* Why the Santa suit? Did he think he was blending in?
* “The stockings were hung by the chimney with care, in hopes that St. Nicholas soon would put pills and weed in there.”
* That wasn’t a U-Haul truck. That was a portable drug store.
* MDMA? What the hell is that? And who’s Molly?
* It’s like these new celebrities. I don’t know who they are either.
* Thanks, Billy Bob Thorton. This is all on you.
* I shouldn’t say this but I really love it when criminals trip and fall down when they’re trying to flee.
* Santa Claus is Comin’ to Jail.