ANTI-TRUMPER SMEARS PEANUT BUTTER ON 30 CARS

A woman in Amherst Junction, Wisconsin, has been charged with disorderly conduct after she allegedly spread peanut butter on 30 cars that she believed belonged to Donald Trump supporters. It turned out the cars actually belonged to members of the Tomorrow River Conservation Club. Witnesses said 32-year-old Christina Ferguson stormed into the club meeting on Monday night, holding what a deputy’s report described as a “family-size jar of low-sodium, creamy natural Jif.” The suspect allegedly yelled at club members about how much she hated Trump before being asked to leave the meeting. Ferguson left. But a few minutes later, members started worrying that she might be doing something with that jar of Jif. So they ran out to the parking lot. They saw Ferguson spreading peanut butter on one of the members’ cars. He yelled at her to stop and she walked away, only to enter a nearby apartment. Deputies went to the apartment and spoke with Ferguson. Officers noted her slurred speech and a “strong smell of intoxicants.” Ferguson was also licking her fingers as she spoke, the report noted.
* She sounds nutty.
* And now she’s in a bit of a jam.
* I see her point. The peanut butter signifies … wait, what the hell is her point?
* So it’s not just the media trying to smear Trump supporters.
* She should have used molasses to indicate how long this campaign’s taken.
* Maybe she heard that Trump once groped Mr. Peanut.
* It’s Wisconsin. At least use cheese spread.
* Thank goodness she used the creamy kind. Chunky would have scratched the paint.