TODAY IN CLOWN NEWS

The current national paranoia about people in clown costumes continues:
– At least one group of clowns is backing out of appearances because of the rash of killer clown hoaxes. Tom Holland, a member of the Ali Ghan Shrine Club’s clown unit in Oakland, West Virginia, said the group is backing out of a scheduled parade in Hagerstown, Maryland and considering whether to participate in an upcoming parade in Cumberland, Maryland. “With all this stuff going on we decided not to go to Hagerstown for a parade at night,” Holland said.
– In Paw Paw, West Virginia (* a real place – Morning Sidekick has been there!), Police Chief James Cummings decided to get ahead of the clown curve. Chief Cummings posted notices across town, reminding people that it’s legal to arrest someone wearing a mask. The chief’s notice is blunt: “It is plain stupid to do this. If someone sees you dressed like this they have the right to defend themselves. It is not normal for clowns to be running around like idiots all year long. I will stand behind anyone who feels they need to protect themselves from these so-called clowns. So, to sum it all up, if you run around in a clown suit, you should probably expect for citizens to beat you (for their own protection), then get arrested by police.”
* Fine. Everybody switch to werewolf costumes!
* How is this different than having the citizens of West Virginia beat you up because you got too close to their meth lab?
* West Virginians have a real dilemma: “I’m NOT a sad hobo clown, it’s coal dust! Stop hitting me!”
* Now the clowns are fighting back with their new organization: Greasepainted Lives Matter.
* Paw Paw, West Virginia, has historical significance in the LBGT culture. The founder of Paw Paw named the town after his two gay dads.
* I bet these are tough times at the International Clown Hall of Fame and Research Center as well.
* That’s real by the way – it’s in Barbaoo, Wisconsin.
* I just looked at their website and they’ve had roof damage and a flood. Gee, I was just kidding about the tough times.
* One thing’s for sure with all this clown costume trouble: we’re heading into a very awkward Halloween.