NIGHT MEN IN TRENCH COATS

The Muscatine County, Iowa, Sheriff’s Office has had several reports of men dressed in black trench coats walking on the road at night in recent weeks. According to the reports, the individuals have been seen standing beside roadways and sometimes stepping into roadways as motorists are passing by. Said R. J. Strong of Port Louisa, “Some weirdo walking down the paved road in a black trench coat!!!!” Another posted, “It’s happened to a few friends of mine out on [Highway] 22.” Several people say that these same individuals have been spotted walking across homeowners’ yards. The Sheriff’s Office says they are investigating and that they do take these incidents seriously.
* Because, come on, what else do they have to do in Iowa?
* At least they’re not whipping open the trench coats and flashing people.
* Yet.
* Maybe Slender Man finally got a new outfit.
* Could be worse. Could be wearing Speedos.
* They don’t look like Tommy Lee Jones and Will Smith by any chance?
* No, because they would have flashed the memory stick and the witnesses would forget everything.
* Forgive me. I didn’t use the correct movie term. The memory stick is called a neuralyzer.
* God forbid I upset any “Men In Black” fans out there.
* There’s a list of words and phrases that usually spell trouble in the wacky news. Nouns like “sword” or verbs like “impale.” I think we should add a new phrase to the list based on this story: I nominate “trench coats.”
* Wasn’t “Night Men in Trench Coats” a blues band out of Baton Rouge?