300-POUND MAN OUT OF BREATH AFTER SHOPLIFTING ESCAPE

A 300-pound man stole $44 worth of steaks from a Publix supermarket in Leesburg, Florida, but was caught when he ran out of breath after being chased across the parking lot. Shawn Dillon Chapman, 21, reportedly stuffed a couple of filet mignons into his pants last Friday before trying to walk out of the supermarket. He reportedly shoved a loss prevention officer who tried to stop him before being chased across the parking lot, where he ran out of breath and gave up. When a police officer arrived, he found Chapman “sweaty, dirty and out of breath.”
* This is sad on so many levels.
* He should have had a getaway forklift.
* When the police showed up, did he start to blubber?
* 44 dollars worth of steak. You mean a pound of hamburger?
* Sweaty, dirty and out of breath? Sounds like my wedding night.
* Either that’s a big parking lot or this guy is seriously out of shape.
* Based on his diet and the fact that he weighs 300 pounds, I’m guessing it was the latter.
* “Are those some steaks in your pants or are you just happy to see me?”
* If he was going to put the stolen meat in his pants he should have gotten a tube steak.