HIGH SCHOOL GIRLS BASKETBALL TEAM WINS 108-1

One of Ohio’s top high school girls basketball teams won its first-round playoff game this week 108-1. That is not a misprint. Gilmour Academy, ranked No. 3 in the state by the Cleveland Plain Dealer, blasted Northeast Ohio College Preparatory School in last Wednesday’s Divisional III sectional semifinal. The coach used 9th grade subs for most of the game – he claims they were not trying to run up the score. “Our intent was to not run anything up, and we took steps to not disrespect our opponent,” Gilmour coach Bob Beutel told the Plain Dealer. “It was like you were in a baseball game and you’re winning 9-0 and then you have a guy on first. You don’t steal second and we didn’t steal second.” Buetel said that two minutes into the game it was obviously a bad matchup, so he abandoned his team’s backcourt press and at three minutes into the game began resting the starters.
* They would have won by an even bigger margin if their coach hadn’t been coaching them to play baseball.
* On the bright side, the losing team received an attractive Certificate of Attendance.
* “Northeast Ohio College Preparatory School. When it comes to sports, our name says it all.”
* They got 1 point or, as the girl who scored called it, an “oopsie”.
* Gilmour Academy’s next game is Tuesday night, against the Philadelphia 76ers.
* Now the bad news: The game wasn’t as close as it sounds.
* The coach actually claimed he took steps not to run up the score? That’s the kind of lying you usually only here on the campaign trail.
* Look at it this way: in one half the losing team scored zero points but then they exploded for 1 point in the other half.
* Great. So if you had Northeast Ohio Prep plus 106 points, you still lost.