ROBBER SAYS "MEET ME TOMORROW WITH MORE MONEY"

Jason Donte Hayes, 17, broke into a home in Nether Providence, Pennsylvania about 3 a.m. January 3, waking up a woman by tapping her on the shoulder with a gun and demanding cash. When the woman, in her 70s, told him she had no cash on hand, he forced her to drive to an ATM, ordering her to withdraw $2,000. The ATM only allowed the woman to withdraw $460, so Hayes demanded she meet him in a shopping center parking lot later that day with more money. He told her he’d be dressed exactly the same way. The woman and her husband, who had been asleep in another room, reported the incident to police. The cops waited for Hayes at the shopping center, where he showed up on time. Hayes – who used to live in a rental home owned by the woman – was charged with kidnapping, robbery, aggravated assault and other crimes.
* He’s stupid, but prompt.
* Don’tcha just hate how ATMs have a withdrawal limit?
* Why does the do-nothing husband even get a mention in this story?
* You just know he’s sitting in jail, going through his plan trying to figure out where it went wrong.
* “Nether Providence”? What does that mean? The Rear End of Heaven?
* She lied to him about getting him more money? Jeez, you can’t trust anyone anymore.
* I think we can rule out the phrase “criminal mastermind.”
* This is one of those stories where you add up more years in prison with each new detail.
* The judge is going to need a computer to figure out this sentence.