DEAD MAN'S ASHES FIRED FROM SHOTGUN

A Vietnam War veteran literally went out with a bang on Saturday. The son of Walter “Jim” Hosey of LaVerkin, Utah, loaded a total of 50 shotgun shells with his father’s ashes and fired them off at a shooting range with the help of relatives and friends. Walter Hosey, who died on Jan. 2, had often visited the Southern Utah Shooting Sports Park in Hurricane, Utah, and his son thought it would be fitting. His son, Clint Hosey, says: “I think he got a kick out of that.”
* And it’s cheaper than burying the guy.
* It’s always good to honor your Dad with a couple of shots.
* Nice, but Dr. Hunter S. Thompson has you beat. They fired him out of a cannon.
* Then there’s the Keith Richards approach where you snort the ashes.
* Actually, that’s just a legend but with Keith Richards you never know.
* The shooting range was in Hurricane, Utah? Sounds like a lovely little town.
* Let me guess … it gets kind of windy there?

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Guy staggers into a bar.

posted March 16

Bartender says, “You look beat.” Guy says, “I just walked five mile, climbed two trees, waded across a creek, almost stepped on a rattlesnake and outran a bear.” Bartender says, “You must be quite the outdoorsman.” Guy says, “No, I’m just a lousy golfer.”

A guy goes up to his boss after an ethics training seminar.

posted March 13

He says, “Boss, that ethics training has me feeling bad about us doing product testing on animals. His boss says, “Look, animal testing is an accepted practice, many shampoo and cosmetics manufacturers test their products on animals.” Guy says, “Yeah, but we make hammers.”

What happened to the sewer worker?

posted March 12

He died in the line of dooty.

Guy goes into the confession booth.

posted March 11

He says, “Father, I just committed all 7 deadly sins in 30 minutes. I was angry and envious of my neighbor, so I lazily made love to his wife, and then ate all of his groceries. And I didn’t share anything.” Priest says, “You forgot pride.” Guy says, “No, I’m pretty proud of myself for this.”