MAN WANTED TO KIDNAP OBAMA'S DOG

A North Dakota man was arrested after Washington, D.C. police investigated him on a tip that he traveled to the nation’s capital to abduct Bo, one of the Obamas’ two dogs. Scott Stockert appeared in D.C. Superior Court on Friday on firearms charges for Wednesday’s incident at a Hampton Inn near the Washington Convention Center. An officer responding to a tip from the Secret Service tracked down Stockert at the downtown D.C. hotel. Stockert admitted that he had a shotgun and a rifle in his pickup truck, both unloaded, along with ammunition for the weapons, according to a police report. Police also found a machete and a billy club. When he was arrested, Stockert claimed that his parents were John F. Kennedy and Marilyn Monroe, he was also Jesus Christ, and that he came to the capital to announce his campaign for president and advocate for a $99 per month healthcare plan.
* Well, heck – I like that last part!
* And you thought Trump was the craziest candidate.
* Obama’s dog. You mean Biden?
* At a certain point, whether or not the shotgun and the rifle were loaded doesn’t really matter.
* The shotgun and rifle were empty, like this guy’s head.
* In case the guy didn’t sound crazy enough, there’s the telltale sign: The presence of the machete. Oh well, at least he didn’t have a sword.
* His story doesn’t check out. JFK and Marilyn Monroe never went to North Dakota.