BUSCH GARDENS DENIES KILT-WEARING MAN

A Norfolk, Virginia man said he was denied access into Busch Gardens “Howl-O-Scream” because he wanted to wear a traditional Scottish kilt into the theme park. The park claimed it was a costume, and they don’t allow anyone wearing a costume into Howl-O-Scream because it could confuse guests into thinking the wearer is part of the official Howl-O-Scream experience. Hex Nottingham called what happened to him Friday night an example of discrimination and said park security guards insulted his Scottish and Irish heritage. “I love coming to this park, and I usually wear one of my kilts when I do so to proudly celebrate a heritage that Busch Gardens is largely based upon. I always get compliments here and there from the staff and fellow patrons and have never had a problem until this day.” Nottingham said he and his family tried, in vain, to explain he was not wearing a costume, rather an article of clothing that represented his heritage, one, he said, he often wears to the grocery store. “I’ve been a customer for decades and a regular pass holder, and this has left a terrible stain on the honor of my culture as well as my ethnic pride. The people responsible should be ashamed and the administration should resolve this swiftly and competently.”
* Oh, for cryin’ in a bucket. Go put on a pair of pants. No one wants to see your dingle when you’re riding the coasters.
* Sounds like Busch Gardens just left him dangling in the wind.
* You can rearrange the letters in Hex Nottingham into “I hang them not.” (With an ‘x’ left over, dammit!)
* How about a compromise? Can he enter the park if he wears a nice blouse and a plaid skirt?
* It’s not a costume? Then explain the bagpipes.
* Howl-O-Scream? That’s the best name they could come up with? Is it “spook-dracular”?
* “A terrible stain on the honor of my culture”? You can always tell when they’re angling for a lawsuit, can’t you?
* Wait, I forgot to mention how it hurt his “ethnic pride.” That’s another 100 grand on the amount.
* He said the administration should resolve this swiftly and competently? You mean with a big cash settlement, right?
* I swear you can even hear his lawyer’s phrases mixed in here.
* This left a terrible stain? So it’s like the stains he leaves everywhere by going commando.