LAWYERS' BRAS SET OFF JAIL METAL DETECTORS, TOLD "TAKE 'EM OFF!"

In Portland, Maine, at least two attorneys were trying to enter the Cumberland County Jail to meet with clients when their underwire bras set off the metal detector. Jail workers told them they’d have to remove their bras if they wanted to enter. The women refused to comply and left. Now Sheriff Kevin Joyce has admitted they went too far. “The policy is real clear: no weapons and contraband. It doesn’t say anything about underwire bras,” Joyce said. One of the attorneys, Amy Fairfield, says: “I appreciate that he recognizes that I shouldn’t have to take off my clothes to see my clients.” The metal detector policy was drafted by a jail administrator who was hired last year after several security breaches. The attorneys who were asked to remove their bras requested an apology. Sheriff Joyce said he wasn’t ready to apologize until an investigation was completed into what exactly happened when the women tried to enter the jail.
* Here’s what happened: Some guys working at the jail wanted to see them take their bras off.
* If only they had said “Please.”
* “You’ll have to remove your bras – wait a second while I start the stripper music.”
* Breasts aren’t weapons, unless you point them at someone in a threatening manner.
* OMG – what if a female lawyer has a stud … you know … down there … ? These are complicated times we’re living in.
* I see the Sheriff’s point. What if they’re like the shooting breasts in the Austin Powers movies?
* Wait, you’ve followed the metal bra stories here. What happens if lightning strikes the lawyers? They’ll need those metal bras to protect them.
* It’s interesting. Here you have a story about lawyers and jail and sheriffs and stuff and yet it’s still titillating because there are breasts in it.
* What we’ve learned here is that breasts top just about any detail in a story.
* Let’s try a test example: “The ebola ward was full of dying patients. It was so bad that the young nurses would come out after a long shift and strip off their tops revealing their firm glistening breasts.” See? It works in ANY situation.