WOMAN BEATS BOYFRIEND TO DEATH WITH CANNED FOOD

A Southern California woman has been charged with beating her boyfriend to death with canned food. Prosecutors on Thursday filed a murder charge against 59-year-old Linda Jackson of Lake Los Angeles. Jackson is charged with striking her 59-year-old boyfriend, David Ruiz, in the head with a can of peas, a can of carrots and a can of chicken broth on Tuesday at her home.
* This is why I buy fresh vegetables instead of canned.
* Why three different cans? Was she comparing the sound they made when they clonked his head?
* “Don’t die yet! I still have cans of creamed corn, cranberry sauce, and evaporated milk!”
* A can of carrots to the head. That’s almost as bad as the real Carrot Top.
* It all started when he complained, “Don’t tell me you’re making soup AGAIN!”
* At least it was a nutritious murder weapon.
* You want your murder weapons to have a well-balanced diet.
* Too many killers are trying to beat people to death with junk food. It’s too squishy – you need something more substantial.
* It’s amazing how often we reach for whatever is handy to hit somebody and, for us, that means food.
* That’s why they call it the War on Obesity, folks. Because there are casualties.