PANTY THIEF

A woman in Jasper, Georgia, stole 131 pairs of underwear from a Walmart on Sunday night. Police said Julia Marie Jones, 22, tried to hide the garments in her purse, a handbag and grocery bags. Jones was charged with felony theft by shoplifting. The purloined panties were worth $749.95 in all. She alluded to the incident in a Facebook post where she complains about people tagging her in relation to stories about the alleged crime. Jones wrote: “Before you jump to conclusions, you should all stop to consider there may be a reason behind what you’re tagging me in what happened,” she said. “What happened is no one’s business but my own, and that day was heartbreaking for multiple reasons.”
* But mostly because she really, really wanted those panties.
* By the way, she did, in fact, have her panties in a bunch.
* Maybe it was a weird scavenger hunt that got out of control.
* 131 pairs? So she only changes her panties every three days? Yikes!
* This is a felony? I didn’t know our criminal justice system thought so highly of panties.
* It’s no one’s business but her own? No, actually, it’s also Walmart’s business.
* In fact if everybody stole over 700 bucks worth of merchandise, they’d be out of business.
* She doesn’t want us to jump to conclusions? Okay, maybe the panties were planted on her by the police.
* Maybe she just forgot to pay for them 131 times.