PROMOS-TO-GO
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Today Is…
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TODAY’S ALMANAC
Birthdays, Upcoming Holidays, This Day in History and Music
TODAY’S TRIVIA
Every installment of X-Treme Trivia Challenge includes three obscure facts.
ENTERTAINMENT & CELEBRITIES
MATTHEW PERRY’S KILLER DOCTOR SAYS HE WASN’T TOTALLY A DOCTOR AT THAT POINT IN TIME
Wasn’t this an argument on Boston Legal?
WHAT TO WATCH – New and Returning Shows and Movies
Premiering Monday through Wednesday
THE ODYSSEY PRESENTS: THE ODYSSEY POPCORN BUCKET
And a box of Milk Duds, please.
WHAT TO WATCH – New and Returning Shows and Movies
Premiering Thursday through Sunday
THE BLEAK FILM FESTIVAL
[Heavy sigh]
WHAT TO WATCH – New and Returning Shows and Movies
Premiering Monday through Wednesday
MORGAN WALLEN FLIPS A PIANO
Paging Pete Townsend.
TROOPS INVITED TO WHITE HOUSE UFC FIGHT, BUT ONLY IF YOU’RE SKINNY
And not just handsome, but Hegseth-handsome.
WHAT TO WATCH – New and Returning Shows and Movies
Premiering Thursday through Sunday
JOKE OF THE DAY
Suggestion: Post the joke on your website. Boost clicks by having listeners call in and tell the Joke of the Day to win a prize.
What happened when Simba was walking too slow?
They told him to Mufasa.
A burglar breaks into a home, finds a couple having sex.
He ties them up at gunpoint, loots the house. As he’s leaving, the man pleads, “Please, just untie her, I’ll give you my car keys, empty my bank account, anything. Just let her go.” The thief says, “You must really love your wife to be begging like that.” The man says, “No, my wife will be home in 5 minutes.”
Guy goes into a pet shop.
He says, He says, “You got any dogs goin’ cheap?”
Owner says, “No, all our dogs go woof.”
How do you cut an ocean wave in half?
With a sea saw.
Did you know that Tigger got a job at a nightclub?
He’s the bouncer.
U.S. NEWS
MAN SETS WOMEN’S PANTIES DEPARTMENT ON FIRE
Burning sensation.
WOMAN ATTEMPTS TO SWIM THE LENGTH OF CALIFORNIA
And the coast ain’t clear.
HIDDEN VALLEY RANCH LOOKING FOR “RANCHBASSADORS”
I hope they fired the person who came up with that word.
JUDGE THROWS OUT CASE, BOTH SIDES USED A.I.
Dude, do you even jurisprudence?
DWI SUSPECT ON THE RUN ATTACKED BY ALLIGATOR
Later, gator.
AUDIO: TV WEATHERMAN KEEPS BROADCASTING THROUGH STATION FIRE
Windy, with a chance of immolation.
BRAZEN BOURBON BURGLARS BAMBOOZLE BOYS IN BLUE
There’s nothing worse than bourbon burglers.
INTERNATIONAL NEWS
MASSIVE WHALE GRAVEYARD DISCOVERED
Whaleoween!
AIR CANADA PILOT NEVER HAD A LICENSE TO FLY BIG-ASS AIRPLANES
You’re grounded, mister.
AUDIO: NO VUVUZELAS AT THE WORLD CUP
The latest buzz from FIFA.
FRONT LANDING GEAR OF BOEING 787 COLLAPSES AT GATE
Drop the pilot.
MISSING SHERPA GUIDE FOUND CRAWLING DOWN EVEREST
Heck of a way to make a living.
TEMPLE ROBBER CASTS CONCEALMENT SPELL TO KEEP ANYONE FROM SEEING HIM
Try crossing your arms and blinking. It worked for Jeannie.
CRUISE PASSENGER JUMPS INTO WATER TO SAVE ELDERLY MAN
Men overboard.
IS THERE A PIANIST IN THE HOUSE?
No, I said PIANIST.
FUNNY PICTURES
Right-click on images to
Copy or Save.
Fetch The Paper, Boy!
Please Read Instructions Before Use
A New York Tragedy
! !
T-Rex Has Learned To Adapt And Camouflage
Why?
THE BUZZ
DUMB HEADLINES
Nothing like a dumb headline on a hot summer day.
RESEARCHER: PEOPLE TEND TO WALK COUNTER-CLOCKWISE
Good job, Sherlock.
WE JUST PRETEND TO LIKE IT
You got to go along to get along.
WHAT WOMEN DON’T GET
Have you got an hour?
WHAT TO DO WHEN THE ALIENS ARRIVE
No direct eye contact! Oh, wait – that’s for Kanye.
MEN FEEL LIKE THEY’RE FAILING AT MANHOOD
Wusses, all of yez.
THE DUMBEST EXCUSE FOR A BREAKUP
Turns out, breaking up is not so hard to do.
IT’S NOT ROMANTIC, GUYS
Men: Give up.
TRENDING
NEW MOVIES
Click on name for details and audio clips
DISCLOSURE DAY
Starts Friday, June 12 in theaters.
STOP!THAT!TRAIN!
Starts Friday, June 12 in theaters.
SCARY MOVIE 6
Starts Friday, June 5 in theaters.
POWER BALLAD
Starts Friday, June 5 in theaters.
Click on the title to go to an mp3 player. To download the mp3, right-click on the player and choose the “Save audio as” option.
A & M AUTOLAND – Service Computer
A & M’s service department becomes fully computerized. Briefly.
RENAISSANCE FAIRE II
Ye olde funne awaites.
THE FRIDAY CLUSTERFLICKS
For Friday, June 5.
BROUGHT TO YOU BY
Funny fake sponsorship announcements
A & M AUTOLAND – LEGALESE
Al and Mike fought the law – and the law won.
EAU DE GASOLINE
It doesn’t just smell expensive… it is.
THE FRIDAY CLUSTERFLICKS
For Friday, May 29.
PROMOS-TO-GO
Pre-produced ready-to-use show bumper donuts
A & M AUTOLAND – Zero Zero
Zero is the down payment you pay – and also Al and Mike’s IQ.
BUTLERS NEEDED
Millionaires need YOU.
THE FRIDAY CLUSTERFLICKS
For Friday, May 22.
BROUGHT TO YOU BY
Funny fake sponsorship announcements
A & M AUTOLAND – Push, Pull, or Lob
Big Al discusses the mechanics of force vectors. Wait – wha?
LAWN LAWYER
Who needs a lawn doctor?
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