A burglar breaks into a home, finds a couple having sex.

Times Square.

His funeral is tomorrow, followed by a wake.

He says, “My knee hurts.” Doctor says, “Have you tried icing it?”

The man says, “Who would ever miss the World Cup final?” The other guy replies, “Well that was my wife’s seat. We have been to the last five World Cup finals together, but sadly she passed away.” The man, “That’s terrible, but couldn’t you get another close family member to come with you?” The guy says, “No. They’re all at the funeral.”

Everyone laughs hysterically, except for one guy. The CEO askes the guy, “Didn’t you get it?” And the guy says, “Oh, I got it. But today’s my last day.”