THE WIZARD OF THE KREMLIN
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Today Is…
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TODAY’S ALMANAC
Birthdays, Upcoming Holidays, This Day in History and Music
TODAY’S TRIVIA
Every installment of X-Treme Trivia Challenge includes three obscure facts.
ENTERTAINMENT & CELEBRITIES
THE EVEL KNIEVEL EXPERIENCE
Jumpin’ jiminy!
WHAT TO WATCH – New and Returning Shows and Movies
Premiering Monday through Wednesday
WOMAN WINS BIGGEST-EVER PRIZE ON “THE PRICE IS RIGHT”
Have your pets spayed or neutered.
WHAT TO WATCH – New and Returning Shows and Movies
Premiering Thursday through Sunday
AMC THEATRES LAUNCHES LIVE CONCERT BUSINESS
Next step: hologram concerts.
BRITNEY SPEARS GETS A YEAR PROBATION
Wet reckless.
JEFF BEZOS SELLING $500 MILLION YACHT
Lauren Sánchez’ wooden breasts included.
WHAT TO WATCH – New and Returning Shows and Movies
Premiering Monday through Wednesday
JOKE OF THE DAY
Suggestion: Post the joke on your website. Boost clicks by having listeners call in and tell the Joke of the Day to win a prize.
Did you hear about the woman who passed out on the merry-go-round?
She’s coming around now.
Pirate walks into a bar.
He has a roll of paper towels on his head. The bartender asks, “what’s with the roll of paper towels on your head?”
Pirate says, “Arr, there’s Bounty on me head.”
What did Salvador Dali eat for breakfast each morning?
Surreal.
Boss says, “Kid, I’m sorry, you’re just not cut out to be a mime.”
Kid goes, “Was it something I said?”
Boss says, “Yes”.
What celebrity gives colonoscopies?
Cameron Diaz.
U.S. NEWS
TARGET TO REPLACE SHOPPING CARTS TO WIN CUSTOMERS BACK
That’s just how they roll.
WOMAN PULLS OUT HER DENTURES DURING ARGUMENT
Don’t bark if you can’t bite.
BARBERS SUE BAR CALLING ITSELF “THE BARBER SHOP”
There’ll be hell toupee.
KIDS STEAL OVER 100 HOT DOGS FROM SCHOOL
Quick, put air tags on the buns.
DRUNK MAN ATTEMPTS TO MAKE A CALL ON HIS SHOE
Get smart, buddy.
MAN ATTACKS COUPLE FOR TURNING OFF THEIR WI-FI, WHICH HE WAS USING
The nerve of some people.
MAYOR FIRES ENTIRE POLICE FORCE FOR HURTING HIS WIFE’S FEELINGS
Help wanted: sycophants.
INTERNATIONAL NEWS
TOUR COMPANY REFUNDS FAMILY $1200 BECAUSE THEY COULDN’T FIND POOL CHAIRS
Who are we to sit in judgment?
MAN WALKS INTO HOSPITAL WITH A MACHETE IN HIS HEAD
Not an episode of The Pitt.
AUDIO: DRIVER CRASHES INTO MURAL THAT LOOKS LIKE A TUNNEL ENTRANCE
© Looney Tunes (1954)
TIMMY THE WHALE, R.I.P.
Aw, quit your blubberin’!
10 ARRESTED FOR CLAIMING THEIR GENITALS WERE STOLEN
She turned me into a newt!
AUDIO: FRENCH PRESIDENT SINGS, ARMENIAN PRESIDENT PLAYS DRUMS DURING DINNER
Give it up for Macron & Pashinyanfunkel!
HOW KIDS SUBVERT WEBSITE AGE VERIFICATION: FAKE MUSTACHES
Hello, fellow adults!
MUST LOVE DOGS
Hot diggety!
FUNNY PICTURES
Right-click on images to
Copy or Save.
Spider Cat
Magnificent Goat
Sergeant, The Enemy Is Using Logs
Leprechaun Convention?
Coming Soon
Pin Heads
THE BUZZ
HALF OF AMERICANS NOT HAVING ENOUGH FUN
To whee! or not to whee!
IT SEEMED LUXURIOUS AS A CHILD
We spoil you kids.
USEFUL LIFEHACKS
Who has ten minutes anymore?
FOR A GOOD NIGHT’S SLEEP, PAINT YOUR BEDROOM BLUE
It’s true – ask Sherwin Williams.
OCEAN CRUISE EMERGENCY CODES
Oscar, Oscar, Oscar.
HOMEWORK EXCUSES
Demons were summoned.
MOST POPULAR U.S. ATHLETES AROUND THE WORLD
What in the wide, wide world of sports is going on here?
WILD WEDDING STORIES
Holy 𝗆̶𝖺̶𝗍̶𝗋̶𝗂̶𝗆̶𝗈̶𝗇̶𝗒̶ cow!
TRENDING
NEW MOVIES
Click on name for details and audio clips
OBSESSION
Starts Friday, May 15 in theaters.
IN THE GREY
Starts Friday, May 15 in theaters.
IS GOD IS
Starts Friday, May 15 in theaters.
THE SHEEP DETECTIVES
Starts Friday, May 8 in theaters.
Click on the title to go to an mp3 player. To download the mp3, right-click on the player and choose the “Save audio as” option.
A & M AUTOLAND – Service
Which will have a breakdown first – your new car from A & M, or Big Mike?
THE FRIDAY CLUSTERFLICKS
For Friday, May 8.
BROUGHT TO YOU BY
Funny fake sponsorship announcements
A & M AUTOLAND – Putting Green
Big Al and Big Mike … who’s the bigger putz?
SONG PARODY: TANK OF GAS
What decade is this again?
STAR WARS BABIES
Baby Yoda!
THE FRIDAY CLUSTERFLICKS
For Friday, May 1.
HEADLINE PARK 2026
For air May 1. The Kentucky Derby is this Saturday, May 2!
PROMOS-TO-GO
Pre-produced ready-to-use show bumper donuts
A & M AUTOLAND – Save 112 Percent
Ordinarily, Al and Mike can’t even pay people to take their cars – but during this sale, they will!
THE FRIDAY CLUSTERFLICKS
For Friday, April 24.
RETRO SONG: BLACK OR WHITE, BY MICHAEL JACKSON
One or our classics.
RETRO: MICHAEL JACKSON’S WEDDING ALBUM
Here comes the groom!
RETRO: MICHAEL JACKSON’S FACE MELT
Tito, get me a towel.
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