MAN WALKS INTO HOSPITAL WITH A MACHETE IN HIS HEAD

Kid goes, “Was it something I said?” Boss says, “Yes”.

Cameron Diaz.

He tells him, “I have to do an assessment about your habits. Do you drink?” The patient says, “No.” “Smoke?” “No.” “Do drugs?” “No.” “Cheat on your wife?” “Never.” “Amazing,” says the shrink. “Any bad habits at all?” The patient says, “Yeah. Lying.”

At least it was instant.

Says, “I have to do an assessment about your habits. Do you drink?” The patient says, “No.” “Smoke?” “No.” “Do drugs?” “No.” “Cheat on your wife?” “Never.” “Amazing,” says the shrink. “Any bad habits at all?” The patient says, “Yeah. Lying.”