THE GOOP 2024 GIFT GUIDE

Gwyneth Paltrow’s lifestyle brand Goop has their usual assortment of gift ideas for the holidays. Here are some of the more unusual and expensive gifts from the already pricey catalogue:
– The Dust Test: Have your home tested for mold, then get expert advice on how to address it. $274
– Body Balance Magnets: Like ear seeds for your whole body. $55
– Weekly Avocado Subscription: Four pounds of handpicked California-grown Hass avocados, delivered once a week throughout the growing season. Price starts at $33.60 a week.
– Restraint Tape – ultrasoft and easy to remove. $55 a roll. (* Kidnappers – impress your victims with ultrasoft restraint tape!)
– Red Light Hat: A ball cap with a red light inside that is supposed to stimulate hair growth, support circulation, healthy hair follicles, and scalp rejuvenation. $449. (* Merry Christmas, honey! Just didn’t want you to forget that you’re bald!)
– Dating Coaching with Amy Nobile, $25,000 for a 4-month program. Here’s what she says: “We work together for the entire four months. Together, we build an entire strategy, re-design your dating profile so that it actually sounds and looks like YOU, and then off we go. I’ll teach you the secrets of how to banter, after we do an analysis of who you are and who you’re looking to attract.” (* For $25,000 you’ve already attracted a scam artist.)
– Sleep Coaching with Kelly Murray, $6,500 for private coaching or $3,500 for group coaching. (* You need a sleep coach if your dating coach didn’t work out, I guess.)
– The Ammortal Chamber: An eternal youth therapy bed. Combines multiwave PEF (Pulsed Electric Fields) and PEMF (Pulsed Electromagnetic Field) technology with red light therapy, vibro-acoustic sound therapy, and hydrogen inhalation therapy in one cutting-edge at-home bed. $149,000. Not a typo. (* You should know – and this is true – that PEF technology was developed for the preservation of foods.)