DOG BITES OFF MAN’S PENIS

Police were called to a home in Herne, Germany, after neighbors complained of a barking dog. Responders heard groans coming from inside. They broke down the door to find a 66-year-old man and his dog. The man was in bad shape, bleeding from his genitals. Or rather, what used to be his genitals. His member was missing. The victim was rushed to hospital a placed in an artificial coma, so police don’t yet know exactly what happened, but the theorize the dog – about the size of a Jack Russell Terrier – was the cause of the man’s injuries. The man’s member is missing and presumed eaten.
* The German man’s wiener was schnitzeled.
* Are they sure he ate it? I have a cat, and it likes to hide things in my shoes.
* I bet they revive him and he says, “Oh my god, put me back in the coma.”
* You know that whatever story he tells the police, it’s not going to be what really happened.
* This is what happens when you name your dog Joey Chestnut.
* “Who’s a bad dog? Who’s a bad dog? YOU are! That’s right!”