SUPERMARKET CLOSES OVER FEAR OF ERECTION SPIDER

An Austrian supermarket – The Penny shop in Krems an der Donau – was evacuated on Tuesday after the store manager reportedly spotted a venomous spider in the bananas. The four-inch black and red spider is believed to be a highly venomous Brazilian Wandering Spider, whose bites can be fatal after causing hypothermia, blurred vision, convulsions and, in some cases, erections. The spider’s venom is even being studied for use in erectile dysfunction treatments after it was found that a bite from one of the spiders can give male victims a painful four-hour erection. (* Which is hardly the kind of reaction you’d want.) An exterminator has been called and the banana crates in the store have been sealed, but reports say the shop will likely remain closed until next week.
* Are they going to be open any sooner? That’s a hard no.
* If the supermarket is closed for more than a week, consult your doctor.
* If you’re going to Krems an der Donau and you’re looking for The Penny shop, it’s the one with the long line of men out front.
* So, that venom would make a confusing drug. “Attention – Need help with erections? Try Venomix. Warning: Side effects may include erections.”
* Hmm. A great erection, but you could die. That’s a tough call.
* A four-inch black and red spider. Like the one that bit Peter Parker. If THIS spider had bit him, Peter Parker’s spider powers would have been completely different.
* “Remember, Peter, with great erections comes great responsibility – to avoid STDs.”