FRIDAY, Mar 31 – DAILY PREP TEXT VERSION

MORNING SIDEKICK DAILY PREP TEXT VERSION FOR FRIDAY, March 31, 2023
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COMEDY MP3s POSTED ON OUR PREP SITE FOR TODAY: THE FRIDAY CLUSTERFLICKS

TODAY IS …
(All days repeat annually on today’s date unless otherwise noted; days may or may not be called “National”/”International”/”World” depending on source; sources listed often have additional info. We generally do not list special days which were created by commercial companies for the purpose of marketing, or the hundreds of disease awareness listings which occur each year.)

BUNSEN BURNER DAY
The Holiday Insights website says this:
“Bunsen Burner Day celebrates the birthday of its creator. German chemist Robert Wilhelm Eberhard von Bunsen was born on March 31, 1811. And, you guessed it, von Bunsen created the Bunsen Burner. If you are a high school student, you know all about the bunsen burner. If you work in a chemistry laboratory, chances are you use the burner in your job. If it’s been a while since high school chemistry class, the memory of the bunsen burner may have faded somewhat. In case your memory has faded, the Bunsen Burner is a long, hollow tube. Gas and air are combined to create a hot flame. The burner is used in a wide range of scientific and laboratory projects. Spend a few minutes today to appreciate the value of this important scientific tool. We will let you determine how many minutes to spend in reflection.”

CLAM ON THE HALF SHELL DAY
The Holiday Insights website says this:
“Today is Clam on the Half Shell Day. Boy, the world really needs a day like today. You must be elated that someone was smart enough, and had the insight, to create this day for us to enjoy and savor. We hope that you like clams. Because, the objective of the day is to enjoy clams on the half shell. If you don’t like clams, don’t be sad or disappointed. Tomorrow is a brand new day! Don’t hide in your shell today. Don’t clam up. Get out and celebrate this special day!”

EIFFEL TOWER DAY
Opened on March 31, 1889

NATIONAL “SHE’S FUNNY THAT WAY” DAY
Honoring the women in your life who make you laugh.

WORLD BACKUP DAY
Don’t wake up tomorrow an “April Fool” who’s lost all their data. Don’t lose valuable files! Learning all about backing up – and we don’t mean in your car – at worldbackupday(dot)(com).

March is:

Adopt a Rescued Guinea Pig Month
American Red Cross Month
Employee Spirit Month
Expanding Girls’ Horizons in Science and Engineering Month
Gender Equality Month
Irish-American Heritage Month
National Craft Month
National Women Inventors Month
National Women’s History Month
Read an E-Book Month

ENTERTAINMENT & CELEBRITIES

GWYNETH PALTROW WINS LAWSUIT

The jury sided with actor Gwyneth Paltrow on Thursday, deciding she was not at fault for a 2016 ski accident with a retired Utah optometrist who sustained broken ribs and a concussion after the fall. The collision at Utah’s Deer Valley Resort left Sanderson with four broken ribs, a concussion and lasting brain damage that he claimed affected his daily life and personal relationships. The jury felt that Sanderson was, in fact, at fault, not Paltrow. She was awarded $1, which was all she asked for, as well as her legal fees.
* In ski terms, this guy just did a faceplant.
* That verdict schussed the guy right up.
* That acting Oscar finally paid off.
* Jeremy Renner sent the guy a sympathy card, because he knows what it’s like to hit by a snowplower.

DONALD TRUMP INDICTMENT

Former President Donald Trump was indicted by a Manhattan grand jury Thursday, marking the first time in American history that a current or former president will face criminal charges. The charges are not publicly known at this time, but insiders say there are 30 counts related to business fraud. The Manhattan district attorney’s office has been investigating the former president in connection with his alleged role in a hush money payment scheme and cover-up involving adult film star Stormy Daniels that dates to the 2016 presidential election.
* Serious stuff. (pause) APRIL FOOL!!!!
* Am I confused, or did the Gwyneth Paltrow jury indict Donald Trump yesterday?
* Looks like the legal system has finally adopted the pitching clock to move the game along.
* There were spontaneous fireworks at Mar-a-Lago last night.
* I don’t think this is the way hush money is supposed to work.
* What’s the statute of limitations on booty calls?
* Every president wants an historical term of office. Well, now Trump is history.

THE BUZZ

LINES FROM MOVIES AND TV WE USE EVERY DAY

Do you have a line from a movie or TV show that has become a part of your everyday conversation? Many people do. Here are some examples:
– Simpsons: “I am so smart! S M RT!”
– Simpsons: “Okely dokely.”
– Rush Hour: “Do you understand the words that are coming out of my mouth?”
– Kindergarten Cop: “It’s not a tumor.”
– Back to the Future: “Make like a tree and get out of here.”
– Ace Ventura: “Allllllrighty then.”
– Babe: “That’ll do, pig.”
You get the idea. Ask listeners, “What random movie quote you find yourself using all the time?”
* And no Samuel L. Jackson quotes! This is a family show.
* I’ll bet there are some wacky lines in “Everything Everywhere All at Once,” if I could just make it through the movie.
* Then there are those classics that came, peaked for a month, and went away. “That’s gonna leave a mark.” “Didn’t see that coming.” “That’s way above my pay grade.”
* The quote I use every day is from “Monsters, Inc.: “There’s nothing more toxic or deadly than a human child. A single touch could kill you.” Use it every day.

U.S. NEWS

GUN VS. POGO STICK

Wednesday afternoon in Winston-Salem, North Carolina, a woman was shot in the chest while attacking another woman with a pogo stick. During the altercation, the victim armed herself with a large metal pogo stick and attacked a woman who had a handgun. The suspect fired one round, hitting the victim in the chest in self-defense, according to police. The victim was taken to a hospital.
* Was it a hop-by shooting?
* When someone pulls out a pogo stick, everyone gets a little jumpy.
* The hardest part about arming yourself with a pogo stick is finding a holster that will work.
* How long did they have to wait for the police to spring into action?
* Anyway, we all hope the victim will bounce back.

NORTH CAROLINA WANTS TO BAN PARTICIPATION TROPHIES

A new bill in the North Carolina legislature would prohibit local youth sports leagues from awarding participation trophies. The bill is sponsored by three senate Republicans (Sens. Tim Moffitt, Bobby Hanig and Eddie Settle). The proposal would ban awards for kids “based solely on their participation in the sport or other activity.” Instead, awards would be provided “based on identified performance achievements.” The bill would be applicable to any youth sports or youth recreation activities that are “operated under the authority of a local government.”
* Well, someone finally thought of the children, and this is what happens.
* Spring is here, and they’ve had enough of snowflakes.
* How about cookies? Can we give the kids participation cookies and juice?
* There go all the jobs in North Carolina’s trophy-making sector.
* What kind of retirement package do state senators get? Because that would be a “participation trophy,” based on the senators participating in government but not really accomplishing any identified performance achievements, like, oh, “governing.”

NEW YORK LADY THROWS NUDE DINNER PARTIES

A New York woman – an artist and model – has begun hosting naked dinner parties. Charlie Ann Max hosts what she calls The Füde Dinner Experience, “a naked vegan dinner party with a bunch of strangers.” She charges $88 for patrons to strip down for a supper that “celebrates our most pure selves, through plant-based cooking, art, nudity & self-love.” Initially, these nude food nights were invitation only, but Max has now opened them up to referrals and social media requests. You have to apply, and Max checks the applications carefully.
* In other words, send a photo.
* “Self-love”? In front of everybody else? Or can you do it in the bathroom?
* All participants are required to bring a hot dish. That’s how they know you’re serious.
* What’s for dessert?
* It sounds fun, but I wouldn’t go on Tuesdays, because that’s Sizzlin’ Fajita Night.

AQUARIUM TO RELEASE ORCA BACK INTO THE WILD

The Miami Seaquarium announced plans to release its performing orca back into the wild. Lolita the killer whale has been performing at the Sequarium for more than 50 years. The move ends a long battle over Lolita, who had long been the Seaquarium’s biggest, and most controversial, attraction. Animal rights groups have long complained about her living conditions and the inadequate size of her tank at the aging tourist attraction. Indianapolis Colts owner Jim Irsay has agreed to bankroll the complicated move that will cost millions. The plan involves moving Lolita and the two dolphins that keep her company to the Pacific Northwest in a specially designed travel tank that fits on a flatbed truck, then in the belly of a giant plane like a Boeing 747 or a Lockheed C-130 Hercules, then another truck, then finally a barge with a crane to lower her into her new home in a netted sea pen, where trainers will re-acclimate the whale to the wild.
* They also will make a stop in Branson, Missouri, to catch a couple of shows.
* Try to teach her not to do the whole washing-up-on-a-beach thing.
* They’ve alerted every Red Lobster restaurant along the planned route to be ready, in case there’s a, you know, tragedy.
* Why don’t they just strap her to the top of the plane, like they used to do with the Space Shuttle.
* Animal rights groups are so happy, they’re blubbering.

INTERNATIONAL NEWS

ATTACK OF THE SCREAMING TOMATOES

New research from Tel Aviv University in Israel claims that tomato plants “scream” when a stem is cut off. They are said to actually emit airborne sounds similar to “bubble-wrap being popped” that is detectable from more than three feet away when they are thirsty. The frequency of the noises is too high for human ears to detect, but it’s possible for insects, other mammals, and possibly even other plants to hear them. Senior study author Lilach Hadany says, “Even in a quiet field, there are actually sounds that we don’t hear, and those sounds carry information. We found that many plants —corn, wheat, grape, and cactus plants, for example — emit sounds when they are stressed,” Hadany said.
* These screaming tomatoes, Dr. Hadany, when exactly did you start hearing them? And what kind of mushrooms were you eating at the time?
* The tomatoes are screaming “Ouch! Run! Run away!!” which is just stupid.
* How can other plants hear them? They don’t have ears. Well, except for corn.
* Why did the tomato scream? It stepped on some sharp cheddar.
* This must be where Campbell’s S’cream of Tomato Soup comes from.

TRENDING

GWYNETH PALTROW CASE GOES TO THE JURY

The civil trial for Gwyneth Paltrow over a 2016 ski crash went to the jury on Thursday after closing arguments. The plaintiff, Terry Sanderson, sued Paltrow for $300,000, claiming she recklessly crashed into him during a run at Deer Valley Resort in Park City, Utah in 2016. She countersued for $1, saying Sanderson was the one who crashed into her. Hopefully, there will be a verdict on Friday so we all can enjoy the weekend.

CMT AWARDS TO OFFER LYNYRD SKYNYRD TRIBUTE

The CMT Music Awards on Sunday will celebrate Southern rock band Lynyrd Skynyrd with an all-star tribute. Billy Gibbons, Chuck Leavell, Cody Johnson, Paul Rodgers, Slash & Warren Haynes are set to honor the band and original founding member Gary Rossington, who recently passed away. LeAnn Rimes and Wynonna Judd will join as “The Honkettes.” Cody Johnson and Paul Rodgers will do lead vocals with Billy Gibbons, Slash and Warren Haynes on electric guitar for a pair of timeless Lynyrd Skynyrd hits. Hmmm…what could those two songs be? Hmmmm…

ALMANAC

NOTABLE DATES, UPCOMING U.S. OBSERVANCES

April 1, Saturday – April Fools Day
April 9, Sunday – Easter
April 18, Tuesday – U.S. Tax Day
May 14, Sunday – Mother’s Day
May 29, Monday – Memorial Day

BIRTHDAYS

Jack Antonoff (pop musician with Bleachers and fun., record producer) … 39
Ewan McGregor (actor, “Obi-Wan Kenobi”) … 52
Angus Young (guitar player with AD/DC) … 68
Rhea Perlman (actress, “Cheers”) … 75
Gabe Kaplan (comedian, comic actor, “Welcome Back Kotter”) … 79
Christopher Walken (actor) … 80
Shirley Jones (actress, singer, “The Partridge Family”) … 89

BIRTHDAY QUOTE QUIZ – Ask your listeners “Who said it?” HINT: Today’s their birthday!

“One of the hardest things about being an actor is to stick around. To stay viable.”

(A) Ian Zierling
(B) Lindsay Lohan
(C) Christopher Walken

ANSWER: (C) Christopher Walken

THIS DAY IN HISTORY

1995 – Baseball players agreed to end a 232-day strike after a judge granted a preliminary injunction against club owners.
* 232 days? That strike was almost as old as the hot dogs in those stadium vending carts.

1977 – The world’s fastest mental mathematician (a woman named Shakuntala Devi) raced a UNIVAC computer in deriving the 23rd root of a 201-digit number. The UNIVAC took 65 seconds, but Devi, who sat with her eyes closed, did the same calculation in her head in just 50 seconds.
* Yeah, thanks. I still count with my fingers when I balance my checkbook.

1923 – The first dance marathon in America was held. Alma Cummings set a world record by spending 27 hours on her feet.
* She then set a world’s record for the most corns.

1918 – Daylight Saving Time went into effect for the first time in the U.S.
* The idea is to give us more light in the evenings to do stuff. Great – like I’m not fried enough when I get home from work.

1889 – France’s Eiffel Tower was officially opened. It was denounced as a monstrosity by local artists and writers.
* Think of what a hit it would have been if they had attached a giant sliding board.

1880 – Wabash, Indiana became the first town in America to be completely illuminated by electric lighting.
* Their joy was short-lived, when a few weeks later they became the first town in America to completely receive electric bills.

THIS DAY IN MUSIC HISTORY

2015 – Joni Mitchell was rushed to a hospital after being found unconscious at her Los Angeles home. She had suffered a brain aneurysm rupture. She has recovered substantially with physical therapy and daily rehabilitation.

2011 – Australian band Men at Work lost an appeal against a ruling which found their 1983 hit single “Down Under” was partly copied from a folk song. Australia’s Federal Court upheld the decision which stated part of the song’s melody came from the tune Kookaburra Sits in the Old Gum Tree. Record label EMI had argued the writers did not plagiarise because the inclusion of two bars from the tune was a “tribute.”

2005 – Rap record company boss Marion “Suge” Knight was ordered to pay $107m to a woman who claimed she helped found Death Row label in 1989, one of hip-hop’s top labels with artists including Tupac Shakur, Dr. Dre and Snoop Dogg. Lydia Harris said she invested in Death Row but was pushed out by Mr. Knight.

2001 – Whitney Houston and husband Bobby Brown were banned for life from Hollywood’s Bel Air hotel after wrecking their room. Hotel workers said a TV was smashed, two doors were ripped of their hinges and the walls and carpets were stained by alcohol. It was reported that Whitney called in her lawyers to plead with the hotel management not to call the police. The suite was so badly damaged it had to be shut for five days for repairs.

1995 – Jimmy Page escaped being knifed when a fan rushed the stage at a “Page and Plant” gig in Auburn Hills, Michigan. The fan was stopped by two security guards, who he knifed instead. After his arrest, he told police that he wanted to kill Jimmy Page because of the Satanic music he was playing.

1985 – Jeanine Deckers, “The Singing Nun,” died after taking a overdose of sleeping pills in a suicide pact with a friend. In 1963, her “Dominique” hit No. 1 in the U.S.

1984 – Kenny Loggins started a three-week run at No.1 on the U.S. singles chart with “Footloose,” the theme from the film with the same name.

1967 – Jimi Hendrix set fire to his guitar live on stage for the first time while appearing in London. It was the first night of a 24-date tour with The Walker Brothers, Cat Stevens and Engelbert Humperdink.

1958 – Chuck Berry’s classic rock ‘n’ roll single “Johnny B. Goode” was released.

X-TREME TRIVIA CHALLENGE

Every installment of X-Treme Trivia Challenge includes three mystery factoids. Create your own “Impossible Question” contest – great for listener giveaways and phone interaction starters! Also a perfect sponsorship opportunity!

1. 33% of drivers have lost control of their vehicle because of THIS. What is it?
A sneeze

2. 40% of American drivers surveyed said they never do THIS unless they’re forced to. What is it?
Clean out their car

3. In their lifetime, the average driver spends 2 hours and 14 minutes doing THIS in their car. What is it?
Kissing

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