BALLET DIRECTOR HITS CRITIC IN FACE WITH DOG DOO

The director of a leading German ballet company has been suspended from his post and is being investigated by police after allegedly smearing a critic’s face with dog excrement at the premiere of his new show after she gave it a bad review. Marco Goecke, the head of Hanover State Opera’s ballet company, confronted critic Wiebke Hüster during Sunday night’s intermission of his latest show, titled “In the Dutch Mountain.” Hüster’s review, published Saturday, stated, “One alternates between a state of feeling insane and being killed by boredom.” Mr. Goecke attacked her verbally before producing a bag of dog feces from his pocket and rubbing the contents in her face. The substance came from his pet dachshund, Gustav, who always accompanies him. It was said to have been produced by Gustav just minutes before.
(See rehearsal footage of the ballet here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gfuRviZJKS4&t=30s)
* So the dog gave his review, too?
* See, this is the problem with letting emotional support animals in everywhere.
* It was a real pas de deux deux.
* If she hated it so much, why did she go back a second night?
* The critic stood her ground and said, “Gee, this smells just like your ballet.”
* So I’m guessing the reviews that came out Monday were suddenly pretty good.
* Gee, it makes you realize how much worse the whole Will Smith/Chris Rock thing could have gone.