KAYAKER RESCUED FROM BUOY IN ENGLISH CHANNEL

A British kayaker was rescued after being stranded on a buoy in the English Channel. The man, 28, whose name was not released, was spotted Thursday morning clinging to a buoy in the shipping lane of the Dover Strait, several miles off the west coast of France. The crew threw the man a lifebuoy and pulled him on board. He was dehydrated and bruised, shivering with a potentially lethal body temperature of 78.8 degrees Fahrenheit. It was unclear how long the man was stranded in the channel. He claimed he had been out for 12 days, but the French coastguard said he had only been at sea for two days. He struggled to speak, but explained that he’d stayed alive by scraping mussels off the buoy and eating little crabs and seaweed.
* Which, he said, was still better than British food.
* Top THAT, Bear Grylls.
* There’s an easy way to figure out how long he was missing at sea: ask him who the British Prime Minister is.
* He’s going to have flashbacks every time he hears David Bowie.
* I hate the English Channel. I much prefer ESPN or Hulu.