DRUNK DRIVER FLEES CRASH, IS ATTACKED BY EMU

An intoxicated driver slammed into a storefront in Malmesbury, England, on Monday. Witnesses saw the driver and a passenger hop out of the Jeep and run away. The pair took off through some bushes, and at one point the driver hopped a fence into an emu sanctuary. A 6-foot emu and her babies began attacking the man, violently pecking and jabbing him in the head and gut, causing the driver to try to, as one witness described, “kung-fu-kick” the animal away. The driver eventually ran out of the pen toward a river. The fleeing duo was later arrested near the animal sanctuary. The driver was charged with failing to stop at the scene of a crime and driving while intoxicated.
* Guy could have used some Liberty Mutual medical insurance.
* Is his name Doug? (The Liberty Mutual guy.)
* The guy kept screaming, “No, Kevin! Not today!” (a might-be-too-vague reference to the current Limu Emu wedding commercial.)
* Too bad it wasn’t a GEICO gecko instead.
* If he goes to jail, it’s not the last pecker he’s going to have to deal with.