WEDNESDAY, Apr 13 – DAILY PREP TEXT VERSION

MORNING SIDEKICK DAILY PREP TEXT VERSION FOR WEDNESDAY, April 13, 2022
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COMEDY MP3s POSTED ON OUR PREP SITE FOR TODAY: BERNIE SANDERS TAX PREP; A & M AUTOLAND – Tax Time; THE ONLY MORNING SHOW IN TOWN

TODAY IS …
(All days repeat annually on today’s date unless otherwise noted; days may or may not be called “National”/”International”/”World” depending on source; sources listed often have additional info. We generally do not list special days which were created by commercial companies for the purpose of marketing, or the hundreds of disease awareness listings which occur each year.)

INTERNATIONAL CREATIVITY AND INNOVATION DAY

NATIONAL PEACH COBBLER DAY

PLANT APPRECIATION DAY

SCRABBLE DAY
The Holiday Insights website says this:
“Scrabble Day celebrates the popular board game. Sold by Hasbro, Inc., it’s been popular around the world ever since it was created in 1938 by Alfred Mosher Butts. People young and old enjoy this game. It’s very easy to celebrate Scrabble Day. Just get out the old board game, dust it off, and play a few rounds with family or friends.

THOMAS JEFFERSON DAY
National Thomas Jefferson Day each year on April 13th honors the birth of the third President of The United States, Thomas Jefferson, who was born April 13, 1743.

April is:

Car Care Month
Celebrate Diversity Month
D.E.A.R Drop Everything and Read Month
International Guitar Month
Jazz Appreciation Month
Keep America Beautiful Month
National Card and Letter Writing Month
National Garden Month
National Greyhound Adoption Month
National Humor Month
National Poetry Month

THE BUZZBABY’S FIRST WORDS

Most parents want to hear their baby say “mommy” or “daddy” as their first words. But new research from Cornell University found the words “this” and “that” are just as common for young children to say as “mama.” “Here” and “there” are other common early word – linguists call them “demonstrative” words. In fact, words like “this” and “that” spoken by very young children has been documented across a number of widely spoken languages including English, Spanish, and Mandarin.
* So the researchers just read a bunch of other studies. Nice gig.
* “Hey, our baby just started talking!”
“Oh yeah? What’s he saying?”
“Oh, this and that …”
* Mom says my first word was “bourbon.”
* My kid was pretty tough. His first word wasn’t ‘mama’, it was “Yo mama.”
* My kid’s so dumb. Whenever we were out, he’d point at a mail truck and say, “Dada.”
* PHONE TOPIC: Was your baby’s first word something bizarre? And it has to be a word where they knew what they were saying.

LADIES, AVOID HUSBANDS WITH THESE PROFESSIONS

TikTok user @JettieGirl28, who claims to be a “local divorce attorney” specializing in family law for over 13 years, has come up with “The Top 5 Professions Women Should Avoid in a Spouse.” She says to avoid cops, firemen, military men, surgeons and pilots, saying, “Over the course of my career, I’ve watched my most difficult cases, and, shockingly, many of them involve men in these five professions.” She says people in these five professions tend to be more narcissistic and controlling: “They tend to be far more difficult in dealing with a divorce. They have kind of a nuke-the-earth, scorch-the-earth, ‘How dare you challenge me?’ kind of approach to litigation.”
* What she says is true, according to every network TV show about cops, firemen, military, doctors and pilots.
* Imagine an ex-military who now pilots a medical helicopter for the police.
* Smart move. She’s alienating the customers with the most difficult divorces who rack up the most billable lawyer hours.
* Notice she doesn’t say to avoid divorce lawyers.
* Or people who self-promote on TikTok.

U.S. NEWS

GUY SUES DUNKIN’ OVER HOT COFFEE IN LAP

A man has filed suit against a Dunkin’ store in Totowa, New Jersey, after he spilled a cup of hot coffee in his lap. Evan Arlington, 39, and his wife, Stephanie Arlington-Macio, 37, say in court papers they bought two cups of coffee and an iced coffee on August 25, 2021. Mr. Arlington claims he suffered second and third-degree burns when “the coffee fell into his lap.” The lawsuit accuses Dunkin’ and its workers of negligence in that the coffee “was too hot.” Mt. Arlington claims he was forced to spend money on hospital care, can’t work and is losing income due to a permanent injury.
* Plus, he’s out the cost of not only the hot coffee but the iced coffee, too, which he dumped on his lap to cool off the hot coffee.
* It’s the return of Hot Pants!
* This could not have been good for his Munchkins.
* Always eat the donuts first, then your fingers are sticky enough to hold on to the coffee cup.
* Totowa, New Jersey? More like TotOWWWWa.
* What a lap dunce.

AUDIO: DOLPHIN ATTACKS TRAINER DURING SHOW

On Saturday, a dolphin attacked its trainer during a show at Florida’s Miami Seaquarium. It happened during the Flipper show in front of an audience of families and young children. One of the dolphins, named Sundance, suddenly went rogue, breaking from his routine and getting violent with a trainer in the water. The trainer was finally able to swim to the dock, visibly shaken, but alive. This was just the latest in a string of incidents at the Seaquarium currently under investigation by USDA investigators. Last June, the USDA released a scathing 17-page report citing numerous serious animal welfare violations at the Seaquarium, including feeding rotten fish to animals, dolphins dying and a crumbling tank where Lolita the orca has lived for 25 years.
* The dolphin was called Sundance, but they just changed its name to Will Smith.
* I’d be cranky, too, if I had to work Saturdays.
* Maybe it got a look at that 17-page report.
* Are they sure it was an attack? It IS springtime, and dolphins do what dolphins do.
* Meanwhile, there’s a special on fish sandwiches in the Seaquarium restaurant.
CLIP: Flipper bites the trainer.
CLIP URL: morningsidekick(dot)(com)/prep/wp-content/uploads/04-13-DolphinBitesTrainer(dot)mp3

AUDIO: PROFESSIONAL BABY NAMER

Expectant parents are paying upward of $1,500 to a “professional baby namer” to pick a name for their child. Taylor Humphrey, 33, claims she helped name more than 100 babies in 2020, raking in more than $150,000. The New York businesswoman — who does not have any children — said she has always been obsessed with baby names and finally found her true calling when she established her “What’s In a Baby Name” business in 2015. Depending on how much expectant parents pay, Humphrey’s services “range from a phone call and a bespoke name list to a genealogical investigation” with the aim of unearthing old family names.
– She chose the baby name Parks for a couple who had their first kiss in a town called Parker.
* So THIS is why my middle name is Buick.
– She is frequently approached by parents who are having their third or fourth child and have run out of names, or need a name that flows with the names of the other children.
* Anybody else think she gives every customer the same list of names?
* If she suggests the name “Junior” I’d demand my money back.
* $1,500. Or for $5, she’ll dump a box of Scrabble letters on the floor and send you a picture of it.
* She’s made $8 million just off the Duggar family.
* Manny, Moe & Jack? That was this woman. That was Taylor Humphrey.
* Once again, my high school guidance counselor neglected to advise me of a possible career choice.
CLIP: Here’s our “Baby Names” song.
CLIP URL: morningsidekick(dot)(com)/prep/wp-content/uploads/BabyNames(dot)mp3

CONTEST: PAINT THE SPACE NEEDLE

For its 60th anniversary, the owners of Seattle’s famous Space Needle are painting the sloped roof gold, the tower’s original color. They’re holding a contest where five grand prize winners will have the opportunity to help. The painting event is scheduled for April 21. You’ll have to submit your entry to the “SpaceNeedle” website by this Sunday, April 17. But know this: nowhere in the contest information does it say you’ll be paid.
* You’ll be paid in memories! And sheer terror.
* If you’d like more information, contact Mr. Tom Sawyer, manager of the Space Needle.
* Something tells me you’ll have to bring your own brush, too.
* Boy, I just thought of a neat way to get my lawn mowed this summer. Details in the next break, after I run it by management.
* The ball’s in your court, Golden Gate Bridge.

TRENDINGGILBERT GOTTFRIED DIED

Comedian and actor Gilbert Gottfried has died at age 67. The news was announced on his official social media page with a statement from his family that reads: “We are heartbroken to announce the passing of our beloved Gilbert Gottfried after a long illness. In addition to being the most iconic voice in comedy, Gilbert was a wonderful husband, brother, friend and father to his two young children. Although today is a sad day for all of us, please keep laughing as loud as possible in Gilbert’s honor.” He died from a heart abnormality called ventricular tachycardia, “a heart rhythm problem caused by irregular electrical signals in the lower chambers of the heart.” The comedian was known for his raunchy stand-up, his voice as the Aflac duck, and perhaps most famously as the voice of Iago the parrot, the sidekick to the villain Jafar in Disney’s “Aladdin” in 1992. He will be missed, and he will be insulted at his funeral, which is how he would have wanted it.

ALMANAC

NOTABLE DATES, UPCOMING U.S. OBSERVANCES

April 17, Sunday – Easter
April 18, Monday – U.S. Tax Day
May 8, Sunday – Mother’s Day
May 30, Monday – Memorial Day
June 14, Tuesday – Flag Day
June 19, Sunday – Father’s Day
June 21, Tuesday – Summer begins (The June solstice occurs at 5:14 A.M. EDT)

BIRTHDAYS

Glenn Howerton (actor, “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia”) … 46
Rick Schroder (actor, “24,” “NYPD Blue”) … 52
Max Weinberg (drummer, E Street Band) … 71
Ron Perlman (actor, “Nightmare Alley,” “Sons of Anarchy,” “Hellboy”) … 72

BIRTHDAY QUOTE QUIZ – Ask your listeners “Who said it?” HINT: Today’s their birthday!

“I take my work very seriously, and that’s the only way for it to be fun for me.”

(A) Dr. Anthony Fauci
(B) Borat
(C) Glenn Howerton

ANSWER: (C) Glenn Howerton

THIS DAY IN HISTORY

COVID-19 in History:
2020 – NY Governor Andrew Cuomo said “I believe the worst is over if we continue to be smart,” about the COVID-19 pandemic in New York as the death toll passed 10,000.

2011 – A federal jury in San Francisco convicted baseball player Barry Bonds of obstruction of justice, but failed to reach a verdict on allegations that he’d used steroids and lied to a grand jury about it.
* One strike, one foul.

1999 – Jack Kervorkian was sentenced in Pontiac, Mich., to 10 to 25 years in prison for the second-degree murder of Thomas Youk, whose assisted suicide in 1998 was videotaped and shown on “60 Minutes.”
* So much for hiding the evidence.

1997 – Tiger Woods, 21, became the youngest person to win the Masters Tournament and the first person of African heritage to claim a major golf title.
* His success was very inspiring to young people everywhere. Unfortunately, it was also inspiring to the writers of that lousy “Legend of Bagger Vance” movie.

1992 – Crystal Pepsi began test marketing in Providence, Denver and Dallas.
* It was Pepsi’s version of the “New Coke” disaster.

1963 – Pete Rose got his first major-league hit for the Cincinnati Reds.
* He would have been happier about it, but he dropped a bundle on the game.

1960 – France became the fourth nuclear nation, exploding an A-Bomb in the Sahara.
* Just to prove they could do something other than cook food with sauce.

1956 – Ampex Corporation demonstrated the world’s first commercial videotape recorder.
* Hastening a revolution in the porn industry.

1954 – Hank Aaron debuted for the Milwaukee Braves. He would go on to break Babe Ruth’s home run record.
* But not basketball legend Wilt Chamberlain’s home run record, if you know what I mean.

1894 – Thomas Edison showed the public his latest invention – the kinetoscope, the first motion picture machine.
* Hastening an even earlier revolution in the porn industry.

1828 – Noah Webster published his first edition of the ‘American Dictionary’ of the English language.
* The part that always confused me is, if you have to put out the first dictionary without using a dictionary, how do you know you’ve got all the words?

THIS DAY IN MUSIC HISTORY

2012 – Five of Tom Petty’s guitars were stolen from a soundstage in Culver City, California, where Petty and his band, the Heartbreakers, were rehearsing for their upcoming worldwide tour. The stolen gear included a 1967 Blonde Rickenbacker, a 1967 Epiphone Sheridan, a 1965 Gibson SG TV Jr., a Fender Broadcaster and a Dusenberg Mike Campbell Model, which belonged to Campbell himself. Petty was offering a “no questions asked” reward bounty of $7,500 to anyone with information leading to the guitars’ recovery. Within days, the guitars were recovered and 51-year-old private security guard Daryl Washington of Los Angeles was arrested and booked for grand theft.

2011 – A portrait of Pink Floyd founder Syd Barrett was returned to the London art gallery it had been stolen from the previous week. The late singer’s former girlfriend, Libby Gausden, pleaded for its safe return and offered a reward. The portrait was returned undamaged and intact to the gallery by mail.

2009 – 68-year-old US music producer Phil Spector was convicted of murdering actress Lana Clarkson, after a five-month retrial.

2003 – The Beatles Apple Corp company was listed as Britain’s fastest profit-growth firm with an annual profit growth of 194%.

1997 – The Notorious B.I.G. was at No.1 on the U.S. album charts with “Life After Death.”

1993 – The first “Aerosmith Day” was observed in Massachusetts after the band was given their very own holiday.

1985 – USA for Africa started a four-week run at No.1 on the U.S. singles chart with “We Are The World.”

1982 – David Crosby was arrested when police found him preparing cocaine backstage in his dressing room before a show in Dallas.

1980 – The musical Grease closed after 3883 performances in New York, having grossed over $8 million.

1979 – Five days into a Van Halen tour, David Lee Roth collapsed from exhaustion on stage in Spokane, Washington.

1974 – Elton John went to No.1 on the U.S. singles chart with “Bennie And The Jets,” his second U.S. No.1.

1974 – Paul McCartney’s “Band On The Run” went to No.1 on the U.S. album charts, McCartney’s third U.S. No.1.

1971 – The Rolling Stones released “Brown Sugar,” the first record on their own label, Rolling Stones Records, which introduced the infamous licking-tongue and lips logo.

X-TREME TRIVIA CHALLENGE

Every installment of X-Treme Trivia Challenge includes three mystery factoids. Create your own “Impossible Question” contest – great for listener giveaways and phone interaction starters! Also a perfect sponsorship opportunity!

1. About 1.4 million Americans have one of THESE as part of the household. What is it?
A pet rabbit

2. 25% of all American pet owners regularly do THIS with their dogs. What is it?
Take a shower. They get in the shower with the dog to scrub it down.

3. 1 in 4 pet owners have done THIS. What is it?
Tried their pet’s food

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