SOLDIER GUILTY OF EXCESSIVE PURPLE NURPLING

British Army Lance Sergeant Liam Cruise-Taylor has been jailed for a six-month period after admitting to punching, elbowing, and twisting the nipples of the soldiers under his charge. The sergeant was responsible for training new members of the Irish Guards Recruits, whose job it is to protect the royal family. Seven victims accused Cruise-Taylor of abusive treatment. On one occasion, Cruise-Taylor reportedly delivered multiple punches to the ribs of a recruit. On another, he collapsed a recruit with an elbow strike to the sternum and stood over the distressed man, screaming, “Stand up and take it like a man.”
* It’s nothing worse than what Camilla Parker Bowles does to the royal guards.
* They’ll be sorry when some lunatic rushes the Queen and gives her a noogie and her guards will have no idea how to defend against it.
* This guy’s worried about purple nurples when the real danger to the royal family is spitball sniper fire.
* What’s the big deal? Aren’t these the same men who get bare-ass smacks with cricket bats all through boarding school?
* Soldiers should have to go through live-fire bully training: an obstacle course where they have to avoid wet willies, Indian burn, pantsing and atomic wedgies.