THE MOST-REQUESTED WEDDING GIFT: A MIXER

The Knot, a wedding website, has released results of their Wedding Registry Survey, revealing the most requested items on couples’ gift registries:
1. KitchenAid Artisan Series 5-Quart Tilt-Head Mixer ($319.99)
2. Stainless steel measuring cups ($7.00)
3. A set of Pyrex containers ($39.99 for 24 pieces)
4. Toaster ($19.99 for a two-slicer)
5. Ninja-brand blender ($79.98)
* You get them the mixer, I’ll get them the measuring cups.
* Never buy anything with the word “Artisan” in the name. That’s an immediate extra markup of 30%.
* You can’t go wrong with hand towels, you cheap bastard.
* Worst wedding gifts: Anything that can’t go in the dishwasher. If it says “Hand Wash Only”, it’s going in the garbage.
* The best thing to get newlyweds are refrigerator magnets, because they’ll need those to hang all the take-out menus they’ll use every night.