SEX BUCKET LIST

A survey of 2,000 Americans from personal lubricants company PJUR found a huge number of people – well, 2,000 anyway – have a “sex bucket list”.
Women’s Sex Bucket List:
1. Using sex toy
2. Sex in the water
3. Car sex
4. Role play
5. Being tied up or tying someone up
6. Being blindfolded or blindfolding someone
7. Being handcuffed or etc.
8. Flavored lube
9. Phone sex
10. Sexy photoshoot

Men’s Sex Bucket List:
1. Car sex
2. Sex in the water
3. Anal sex (* Pitcher or catcher?)
4. One night stand
5. Using sex toy
6. Threesome
7. Phone sex
8. Sex with food
9. Make a sex tape
10. Role play
* My Sex Bucket List is having sex with a bucket.
* Jeeze, didn’t any of these people go to high school? Half this stuff is junior year.
* One night stands are okay, but I like two night stands – one for the lamp, and one for the clock radio.
* This story brought to you by the Mustang Ranch, Nevada.

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ENTERTAINMENT & CELEBRITIES

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SHIA LABEOUF IN HIS ___ IN AN _ LOBBY

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The dogs had something to do with it, too.

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HALF OF AMERICA DOESN’T GO TO THE MOVIES ANYMORE

How did “Five Nights at Freddy’s 2” not pull them in?

OSCAR NOMINEE GIFT BAGS

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JOKE OF THE DAY

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What did the octopus say to the bagpipes?

posted March 19

“Nice pajamas.”

A woman lived with her daughter and son-in-law.

posted March 18

One day she came home to find her son-in-law packing a suitcase. He says, “I’m leaving, it’s the end of our marriage. I texted my wife to say I’d be home early, and when I got here I found her in bed with another man.” The mother-in-law said, “No, my daughter would never do that, there must be a simple explanation, I’ll go and talk to her.” After a while, the mother-in-law comes back and says, “There, I told you there was a simple explanation. She never got your text.”

Why wouldn’t the nearsighted vampire buy glasses?

posted March 17

He just couldn’t see himself wearing them.

Guy staggers into a bar.

posted March 16

Bartender says, “You look beat.” Guy says, “I just walked five mile, climbed two trees, waded across a creek, almost stepped on a rattlesnake and outran a bear.” Bartender says, “You must be quite the outdoorsman.” Guy says, “No, I’m just a lousy golfer.”

A guy goes up to his boss after an ethics training seminar.

posted March 13

He says, “Boss, that ethics training has me feeling bad about us doing product testing on animals. His boss says, “Look, animal testing is an accepted practice, many shampoo and cosmetics manufacturers test their products on animals.” Guy says, “Yeah, but we make hammers.”