WALMART SECURITY COP SHOPLIFTS OATMEAL AND CONDOMS

A Maryland police officer who worked off-duty as a security officer at Walmart is accused of stealing several items from the store, including instant oatmeal and two boxes of condoms. Montgomery County Police Officer Jose Barahona, 25, was charged with several offenses, including theft of less than $100 from the Germantown, Maryland, store.
* Oatmeal. Quaker? I hardly touched ‘er.
* That was gonna be one strange night.
* Whipped cream I could understand, but oatmeal?
* Walmart increases wages and gives out bonuses, and this is how he repays them.
* Instant or Old-fashioned? The oatmeal, I mean.
* Latex or edible? Again, the oatmeal, I mean.