WOMAN TRIES TO STEAL CAMERA, THROWS POO

Indianapolis, Indiana, police responded last Tuesday to a Menards home improvement store after a loss prevention officer told them that he saw a woman remove a camera from its packaging and place it into a bag. When he tried to stop the woman from leaving she reached into her pants, pulled out a handful of feces and threw it at him. The feces hit him in the chest. The woman ran out the door and escaped. Police say the camera was recovered and they’re trying to identify the woman.
* What kind of camera? A GoPro?
* The crap is supposed to hit the FAN, not the MAN.
* I say give her extra points for improvising under pressure.
* Theft at Menards is obviously a going concern.
* I’ve heard of taking crap from customers, but this is nuts.
* This sounds like a job for Tide Turbo Clean.