MAN FAKED KIDNAPPING, WHICH NEVER WORKS

A Beatrice, Nebraska, man faked his own kidnapping so he could collect ransom from his parents. The parents called Beatrice police last week to report that their son was being held ransom for $5,000, which had to be wired to his bank account. Police determined that the calls came from the 30-year-old man’s girlfriend’s phone and traced the phone to the man’s Beatrice home. Officers say they saw him through a window there, holding a silver handgun. They forced their way in and took him into custody. The gun turned out to be a BB gun. He was arrested Tuesday on suspicion of attempted extortion, obstructing government operations, and other crimes.
* … like general douchebaggery.
* This is why superhero movies never have their criminal masterminds headquarter in Beatrice, Nebraska.
* When cops saw him through the window with a gun, was he at least aiming it at himself?
* “Listen, and listen good. If I want to get out of this in one piece, don’t try anything stupid.”
* He only asks for a $5,000 ransom from his parents. How sad is that?
* He already knew they didn’t like him all that much.
* “With 5 grand, baby, we can blow out of this two-bit town, and start over in North Platte.”