MAN, TRAPPED IN BEER COOLER, DRINKS BEER ALL NIGHT

Last Tuesday, a 38-year-old Marshfield, Wisconsin man went to a Kwik Trip convenience store to buy beer. When the store would not sell him any, Jeremy van Ert “accidentally” got stuck inside the beer cooler when it was locked at about 11:50 p.m. Van Ert said he decided he might as well just stay inside the cooler and drink the beer, even though the cooler has a glass door and, if he had knocked, employees would have heard him and let him out. A customer saw him inside the cooler at about 5:50 a.m. Wednesday and told employees, who opened the door. Van Ert left without paying for the beer he drank – an 18-ounce bottle of beer and three cans of Four Loco. He also had fallen over a stack of 30-can beer packs, breaking three of the cases open. Van Ert had been on probation and ordered not to drink. Police issued him a citation for retail theft.
* All that beer, and no pretzles.
* Trapped in a beer cooler all night. That’s one of those things that probably sounds real fun, until about hour two.
* You just know he took a leak in some of those empty Four Loco cans.
* They lock the beer coolers at night? Has the beer been trying to escape?
* I wonder who’s got the worse drinking problem – Van Ert, or the customer buying beer at 5:50 a.m. on a Wednesday morning?