4TH GRADERS ASKED TO SOLVE MURDER OF ELF

Some parents of students at a British elementary school are complaining about a class assignment that involved the “murder” of a Christmas elf. Fourth-grade students at Flowery Field Elementary School in Hyde, England, arrived for class to find a crime scene had been set up in a classroom, complete with the chalk outline of the “murder victim”, an Elf on the Shelf. There was police tape and a table had been knocked over, and there were blood smeared on one of the tables. The students were supposed to write a story about the crime. Said one parent, “My daughter came home and she was absolutely traumatized.” (* “Oh, my, ah do believe ah am getting the vapors mahself!”) Teacher Ian Fell said he has done the elf murder scene in the past and found it to be an appropriate, engaging and exciting thing that children aged eight and nine have done. “They have been so up for it,” he said.
* Are we allowed to, you know, donate Elfs on the Shelfs to be murder victims?
* Shoulda stayed on the shelf. Stupid elf.
* Wait – blood? Shelf elfs are filled with cotton and little white beads. Something’s up. Time to call CSI: North Pole.
* I think Old Man Keebler did it when he caught the elf all up in his wife’s cookie. Which was a ginger snap.
* Next, can we murder some of those Baby Shark Song Dolls?