100-YEAR-OLD WOMAN WANTS TO POLE DANCE, APPARENTLY

We’re not sure why this is a news story, but …
A Chesterfield, Virginia, woman is preparing to celebrate her 100th birthday Saturday in an unusual way. At nearly 100 years old, Beatrice Ingerling is in great health and doesn’t require daily medication. Some of her family asked her what she wanted to do for her 100th birthday, and she said, “a pole dance.” And she no sooner said that when she said, “I don’t know why I said that.” Beatrice’s daughter, Carol Lensch, said she didn’t even know how her mom knew about pole dancing. Beatrice’s birthday party will be held with family and friends Saturday. The family says they have worked it out to set up a pole for her. “And she is going to do a pole dance. Very tasteful dressed. Not in the leopard print leotard that she once suggested, but she will stand up by the pole because that was her dream.”
* “You’re going on that pole whether you like it or not, dammit!”
* Perhaps you saw Beatrice do that nude cameo at the end of last Sunday’s “Game of Thrones.”
* What will she wear? A leotard? A G-string? Depends.
* Guests are asked to bring plenty of single dollar bills.
* She’ll even let you tuck them in her g-string.
* At some point don’t you say, “That’s a very interesting suggestion, Beatrice, darling, but we just don’t think it’s a good idea. Sorry.”
* Her daugher said, “And she is going to do a pole dance.” No, she’s going to attempt to do a pole dance.
* Have the gurney ready. That’s all I’m saying.