WOMAN STRUCK WITH FROZEN SAUSAGE

A Bardstown, Kentucky, man is facing felony assault charges after hitting a woman with a frozen sausage. Police said Derek Kielser, 24, struck an infant before hitting a woman several times in the arms and face on January 11 with a frozen sausage log.
* So she was coldcocked?
* So his sausage was rock-hard?
* He beat his meat … about her arms and face.
* Police threw Kielser into the patty wagon.
* Questioned about the attack, the victim said it was the wurst.
* But now she’s cured.
* Let’s go over the concept of the Sausage Party again.
* Here’s where a slick lawyer will get the sausage evidence thrown out because nobody really knows what’s in it.
* At least plead it down to a hot dog.
* Now he has to deal with his cellmate’s sausage.
* To all wacky news participants: Please don’t strike infants during your wacky news story. It hurts them and it doesn’t help us either.