WOMAN STOLE 31 BOXES OF CONDOMS

An Illinois woman is jailed on a felony theft charge after she was caught stealing 31 boxes of Trojan condoms from a supermarket. Shaearion Davis, 25, was arrested Tuesday afternoon following the condom heist at a Schnucks supermarket in Swansea, Illinois. The combined price of the purloined prophylactics exceeded $300. Supermarket employees dialed 911 after they saw Davis swiping the condoms, and they followed her after she left Schnucks. Davis was quickly apprehended outside the store. Court records do not indicate whether Davis intended the condoms for resale or personal use.
* Looks like she won’t get off, not this time.
* This time, she gave herself the shaft.
* 31 boxes. That would last Leonardo DiCaprio a whole weekend.
* The Case of the Rubber Robber.
* Look, she was going to do hard time, one way or another.
* Ironically, now she’s really screwed.
* She’s looking at a long stretch.
* How long ’til she gets a discharge?
* 31 boxes of condoms? That would have lasted me 10,000 years in high school.
* Especially since one was more than enough for the whole time I was there.
* I like the alliteration here: The Case of the Purloined Prophylactics.
* Uh oh, she just tied all the condoms into a bungee cord and escaped from her cell.