WEDNESDAY, May 11 – DAILY PREP TEXT VERSION

MORNING SIDEKICK DAILY PREP TEXT VERSION FOR WEDNESDAY, May 11, 2022
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COMEDY MP3s POSTED ON OUR PREP SITE FOR TODAY: A & M AUTOLAND – Putting Green; THE ONLY MORNING SHOW IN TOWN

TODAY IS …
(All days repeat annually on today’s date unless otherwise noted; days may or may not be called “National”/”International”/”World” depending on source; sources listed often have additional info. We generally do not list special days which were created by commercial companies for the purpose of marketing, or the hundreds of disease awareness listings which occur each year.)

EAT WHAT YOU WANT DAY
The Holiday Insights website says this:
“What would you like to have to eat today? Okay, great … health permitting, go ahead and have any and all of your favorite foods and snacks. Because today is Eat What You Want Day. Eat What You Want Day is definitely not a day for diets. It is one single, solitary day in the year to go off your diet and eat something you really enjoy. Today, you can set aside your dietary ‘No-No’ list. Today, you can splurge. Tomorrow, it’s back to the diet. It is important to note that today is not intended to eat as much as you want. Rather, the goal is to eat something you otherwise wouldn’t have. If you are watching carbs or calories, simply keep within your limits by eating just a small amount of that favorite treat. Caution: People with allergies and/or medical conditions, may not be able to fully participate in this day. Simply said: Do not risk your health to participate in this day.”

ROOT CANAL APPRECIATION DAY

TWILIGHT ZONE DAY
The Holiday Insights website says this:
“Twilight Zone Day is mysterious, weird, surreal and perhaps a little scary. We can think of many other adjectives, but I think you get the picture. Every once in a while, you have a day like this. And, today is designed to be that day. The television show The Twilight Zone, was created, narrated, and often written by Rod Serling. It premiered on October 1, 1959. The episodes were wildly popular, stretched the imagination, and captivated viewers. The show aired from 1959-1964.”

May is:

Chip Your Pet Month / Pet Month
Date Your Mate Month
International Civility Awareness Month
National Barbeque Month
National Bike Month
National Egg Month
National Hamburger Month
National Military Appreciation Month
National Salad Month
National Salsa Month
Older Americans Month

ENTERTAINMENT & CELEBRITIES

FARMER HOGGETT GLUED HIS HAND TO A STARBUCKS COUNTER IN PROTEST

Actor James Cromwell – most famous as Farmer Hoggett in the “Babe” movies – protested the Starbucks policy for upcharging for vegan milks by supergluing his hand to a counter. Cromwell joined a group of PETA protesters Tuesday morning at a Starbucks in Manhattan. Wearing a shirt reading “Free the Animals,” he railed against traditional milk and shouted at baristas as he was superglued to the counter. The baristas kept serving cups of joe. PETA and James believe Starbucks is discriminating against folks who can’t have dairy, making them pay more for vegan alternatives like almond milk and oat milk, which are more environmentally conscious. James says it’s a matter of life-and-death as the world suffers a climate catastrophe.
* Yes, the availability of soy milk is certainly at the forefront of turning this global warming thing around.
* So James Cromwell in person is just as crotchety as his character on “Succession.”
* Sorry, but almond milk and oat milk just cost more. It’s very hard to keep the milking machines attached to the plants’ little nipples.
* My grampa once superglued his elbow to his workbench, but he wasn’t protesting anything.
* It was a grande gesture, and he yelled a latte, but in the end all he did was venti and let off some steam.

THE BUZZ

KID INSULTS

Huffington Post has collected some tweets from parents whose kids have unintentionally insulted them. Some of the responses:
– “My 6 year old said my snoring sounded like a pig was beat boxing.”
– “3 year old: Your stomach is squishy like Play-Doh, it’s fun!”
– “One of the kids I work with just said I look like a ‘budget disney princess.’”
– “I had my hair in a ponytail and my son walked in the room and said, “Ewww Mommy take your hair down, it makes your face look like the moon.”
– “If you’re having a bad day just know one of my kids told me I look like ET…..when he’s sick….not just regular ET.”
– “You look nice in that dress, like a Saturday raisin.”
– “5 year old: Mom, why does that lady have a big belly? Me: She’s having a baby. Kid: Oh. Is that what’s happening to you?”
– “Said in awe: ‘Mom, you look like Scar from Lion King this morning.’”
– “I was shaking it like Beyoncé when the kids came in, fell over laughing and told me I look like Cinderella trying to pee while wearing her glass slippers.”
– “Me: *stops suddenly* Kid: *runs into my butt*. Kid: ‘Whew. I’m lucky that’s really squishy.'”
* Good to see we’ll never run out of internet trolls.
* “Mommy, is my face mask supposed to be this tight?”
* Is this payback from calling them rug rats?
* I guess there aren’t any Daddy stories ’cause these are Daddy-doesn’t-take-criticism-well families.
* Some parents can’t wait for those teenage years when the kids stop talking to them.
* PHONE TOPIC: Has your kid insulted you lately?

THINGS YOU SHOULD KNOW ABOUT YOUR PARTNER

Portland, Oregon, therapist Jeff Guenther shared a video on TikTok titled “15 small but very significant things you should know about your partner six months into a relationship.” Could you answer all these things six months into a relationship? Here they are:
– How do they want to celebrate their birthday?
– How much alone time, if any, do they need?
– What’s their favorite food?
– What turns them on and gets them in the mood?
– How long do they need to get ready and head out the door?
– What’s their favorite TV show, movie and band?
– What’s their most controversial take?
– Who’s their best friend and why?
– What family member triggers them the most?
– What will instantly make them laugh?
– What’s their biggest insecurity?
– What’s the best way to support them when they’re stressed or upset?
– What do they ultimately want from this relationship?
– What do they allow themselves to splurge on financially?
– What’s their biggest guilty pleasure?
The video had TikTokers adding their own suggestions for important things to know, such as “Which way do they hang their toilet paper,” and “What temperature they like the thermostat in the house.”
* It is NOT going to take you six months to figure out which way they hang the toilet paper.
* How about “Are they always pushing to ‘know you better’ or do they let you have your own space?”
* I’ve been married ___ years. I don’t know half of these. I really ought to start paying more attention.
* I think we could get a little deeper with the questions. Like, “Who gets to clean the hair out of the shower drain” and “Which is their favorite kid?”

U.S. NEWS

WOMAN DUMPS PEE ON NEIGHBOR WITH INVASIVE CHICKEN

A Florida woman allegedly dumped a bucket of urine on her neighbor because his chicken kept pooping on her back patio. Police arrested Christine Terman, 57, on a misdemeanor battery charge following the confrontation late Sunday evening at the Palm Haven Mobile Home Park in St. Petersburg. Terman was mad at victim Lawrence Stenzel due to “his chicken pooping on the back patio.” So, according to police, she “went inside and got a bucket of pee from her bathroom, walked out on the back patio and threw the full bucket of pee” at Stenzel. The bucket struck Stenzel in the face, “causing him pain.” Police also noted that, “the victim was wet when we arrived and smelled of urine.” The arrest report does not indicate why Terman had a bucket of waste at the ready.
* Well, the answer to that one is right there in the story: St. Petersburg mobile home park.
* Yet the chicken gets off scot-free.
* Time to teach that thing to use a litter box.
* Chicken diapers?
* When it gets to trial, we all know what Exhibit #1 will be.

BEER FACTS: STATE VS. STATE

How do American states stack up against each other in terms of annual beer consumption? According to data from Top Agency and The Beer Institute:
– New Hampshire led US states in 2020 with the highest annual gallons-per-capita – that’s GALLONS PER PERSON PER YEAR – consumption, at 41.5 gallons, followed by Montana (41.1 gallons), North Dakota (37.5), South Dakota (37.3), Vermont (34) and Wisconsin (33.7).
– Washington, DC, accounted for the least annual gallons per capita beer at 18.2 gallons, followed by Maryland (19.7), Connecticut (19.8), New Jersey (20), Utah (20), Rhode Island (20.1), New York (20.2), Massachusetts (21.1), Georgia (23) and Kentucky (23.1).
– The states with the highest number of breweries as of 2020 are California (with 1,466 breweries) and New York (with 680 breweries), whereas District of Columbia (with 17 breweries) and Mississippi (with 26 breweries), had the least.
* According to this, California is shipping a hell of a lot of beer to New Hampshire.
* The Beer Institute. Once again, my high school guidance counselor failed to inform me of that particular career option.
* Some of those states are so into beer, they’re thinking of changing their names: Brewhampsire. Brew Jersey. Beermont. North and South Beerkota.
* Mississippi is missing a great opportunity to become Mississbrewski.

INTERNATIONAL NEWS

BRAZILIAN SOCCER STAR TERMINATED FOR TOO MUCH FARTING

Brazilian soccer star Marcelo – just Marcello – was kicked off the Lyon, France soccer team for “continuously farting and laughing” in the locker room. ESPN reports that the 34-year-old Marcelo was punished for incessantly passing gas in the dressing room and laughing. The players, the coaches and the owner had enough, and terminated his contract back in January. Marcelo now plays for Bordeaux.
* Bordeaux is currently doing pretty well in the standings, like they got a second wind.
* How does Marcello like playing for Bordeaux? He says it’s a gas.
* They knew he was quite the offensive player, they just never understood how offensive.
* Apparently, he’s quite the passer.
* Bordeaux is now a net exporter of natural gas.

TRENDING

TOM BRADY SIGNS WITH FOX SPORTS FOR $375 MILLION

Fox Sports has signed Tom Brady be an NFL game analyst after he retires. The deal is for 10 years and $375 million. It is the largest contract in sportscasting history, as it more than doubles both CBS’ Tony Romo and ESPN’s Troy Aikman in average annual salary of $26 million per season. Besides being Fox Sports’ No. 1 game analyst, he will also be a company ambassador who will help in sponsorships and promotional activities.

ALMANAC

NOTABLE DATES, UPCOMING U.S. OBSERVANCES

May 30, Monday – Memorial Day
June 14, Tuesday – Flag Day
June 19, Sunday – Father’s Day
June 21, Tuesday – Summer begins (The June solstice occurs at 5:14 A.M. EDT)

BIRTHDAYS

Jeffrey Donovan (actor, “LBJ,” “Fargo,” “Burn Notice”) … 53
Tim Raybon (country singer w The Raybon Brothers) … 59
Martha Quinn (DJ, actress, original MTV VJ) … 63
Frances Fisher (actress, “Watchmen” mini-series, “Resurrection”) … 70

BIRTHDAY QUOTE QUIZ – Ask your listeners “Who said it?” HINT: Today’s their birthday!

“I’m very shy in real life; I can’t really hit on girls.”

(A) Leonardo DiCaprio
(B) John Mayer
(C) Jeffrey Donovan

ANSWER: (C) Jeffrey Donovan

THIS DAY IN HISTORY

2015 – India’s population officially reached 1 billion.
* Oh, take a cold shower!

2012 – Chinese scientists break a world record by transferring photons over 97 kilometers using quantum teleportation.
* If you say so.

1997 – An IBM computer named ‘Deep Blue’ beat world chess champ Gary Kasparov and won the six-game match between man and machine.
* Which made GARY blow a gasket.

1967 – The 100,000,000th U.S. phone was connected.
* The phone company will celebrate that anniversary today sometime between 8 and 4.

1949 – The first Polaroid camera was sold for $89.95.
* And it was an instant success.

1947 – Tiremaker B.F. Goodrich announced the development of the tubeless automobile tire.
* How much you wanna bet it cost more than a tire WITH a tube?

1916 – Einstein’s Theory of General Relativity was presented.
* I think it states “generally, relatives make bad house guests.”

1812 – The Waltz was introduced into English ballrooms. Most observers considered it disgusting and immoral.
* So of course it became a big hit.

1752 – The first fire insurance policy was sold, in Philadelphia.
* Which makes tomorrow the anniversary of the first case of arson.

1751 – The first U.S. hospital was founded in Pennsylvania.
* “Nurse! Get me some leeches! STAT!

1607 – The first permanent English settlement was founded in America at Jamestown, Virginia.
* Well, it was permanent until … y’know … we threw ’em out.

THIS DAY IN MUSIC HISTORY

2011 – Mick Jagger and Jerry Hall’s daughter Elizabeth appeared on the cover of Playboy magazine’s June issue. Her six-page, eight photo spread showed the 27-year-old completely nude, wearing a pair of thigh-high boots and bunny ears, and seductively smoking a cigarette.

2006 – George Michael was involved in his second minor car crash in a month after a tabloid photographer found him asleep in his parked car in central London. The singer crashed into a wooden pole after he woke up and was driving away.

2002 – Over 500 Michael Jackson fans held a demonstration outside the Sony records building in Berlin complaining that the label hadn’t promoted the singer’s latest album “Invincible.”

1996 – Bill Graham, the Irish journalist credited with discovering U2, died of a heart attack at age 44.

1981 – Bob Marley died of lung cancer and a brain tumor at age 36.

1970 – The triple soundtrack album “Woodstock” was released in the U.S., and went gold within two weeks.

X-TREME TRIVIA CHALLENGE

Every installment of X-Treme Trivia Challenge includes three mystery factoids. Create your own “Impossible Question” contest – great for listener giveaways and phone interaction starters! Also a perfect sponsorship opportunity!

1. 38% of women in a recent survey said they do THIS at the movies. What is it?
Take off their shoes

2. In a Women’s Health magazine survey, 1 out of 4 women admited they haven’t been truthful about THIS. What is it?
The price they paid for something. They’ll say it was on sale when it wasn’t.

3. 58% of women in a recent survey say they’d prefer THIS over an expensive piece of jewelry. What is it?
A walk-in closet

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