TRUMP TOWER RESIDENTS BOTHERED BY PROTESTS

Residents of the Trump Tower skyscraper on New York’s Fifth Avenue, where Donald Trump lives in the penthouse, are having a hard time getting in and out of the building thanks to crowds of supporters, protesters and security. “They can’t get into their own homes without being stopped and frisked and having to show ID,” said a top broker who is already fielding calls from residents planning to move out. “These are wealthy people. They don’t need this, and they can’t take it any longer. They no longer want to stay there. Some of them are already planning on moving out,” the broker said. The Secret Service is all over the place, in and out of the building, and pedestrian and car traffic is at a standstill. It’s also hard to do shopping. The building’s Gucci store is deserted, and the Tiffany & Co. store next door is also empty.
* “These are wealthy people. They don’t need this.” Way to garner sympathy, pal.
* Solution: those new jetpacks we’re hearing about today. The wealthy can fly up onto their balconies over the protesters.
* Or, in a public relations master stroke, Donald turns Trump Tower into affordable housing.
* Wait, the Gucci store is deserted? This outrage must not stand.
* If Gucci falls then Tiffany’s could be next.
* Residents complain that the protests are making it very hard for their servants to go out shopping for them.
* I say relax. Give it a week and see if it dies down.
* Then if you need to move some place, buy one of the homes left by celebrities who are fleeing the country.